I still hate birds

On Tuesday I ran home quickly to put on some gym clothes and grab something for work on Wednesday before heading over to Leslie’s. While inside I noticed a bird singing. It seemed awfully close. At first I thought it was my arch nemesis from the tree outside my window. Upon further inspection though I surmised that it was coming from another room. Assuming that Leanne had left the window open in her room and that’s where the noise was coming from I didn’t give it another thought and left for the night.

Yesterday I came in the apartment and went straight to the kitchen to put away some groceries. When I got to the refrigerator a bird swooped down to attack me, just missing by my head. Judging by the fact that I may have soiled myself a little bit I was pretty sure it was some sort of falcon, or maybe a bald eagle. Either way it was definitely a huge bird and it scared to poop out of me. Turns out it was one of these:

I'm a huge pussy apparently


He flew into a corner behind the microwave and the chase was on. Cut to me in a sitcom chasing a tiny bird around my house with a bucket. That little bastard was fast, and really stupid. He just kept flying back and forth from corner to corner trying to hide, and I could never reach him. He ran into the window at least three times and never noticed the gaping hole of freedom that was the open door. Finally I had to use all of my genius and cunning to solve this problem. I got him into a corner directly across from the door, then using the couch, an armchair and some cushions I created a tunnel leading right out. Once I scared him out of that corner he had no choice but to head for the door. I’m like the MacGyver of getting birds to not be in your house.