Thursday, May 28, 2009

Things I Think About...

Here are some things I thought about today:

-- You know how you know when it’s springtime in Baltimore? When the entire city smells like rotting fish after a storm. I don’t know what causes it but I do that rain stirs up some of the foulest smelling shit you can imagine. It makes being outside somewhat unpleasant.

-- I had lunch at 5 Guys today. If you’ve ever been there you know how they handle their ordering system, you order, you get a number, when your order is ready, they call that number. Pretty simple right? You also know that they only make one thing: cheeseburgers. Which makes the process even more simple. So can someone please explain to me how they get up to order number 72 before making my order, number 58? How is that even possible? How do 14 people get there order before mine? I know what they ordered, cheeseburgers. So how the f could my cheeseburger possibly take 20 minutes longer to make then the cheeseburger ordered directly before and after me? I’m not a mathematician, and I’ve never worked in the food service industry, but something tells me you have to have a whole team of idiots working the kitchen to get things that screwed up.

-- Is it acceptable to wear hideous shoes if it’s for a good cause? For every purchase made Tom’s Shoes gives a pair to a needy child in some third world country. I know; that’s awesome right? Here’s the problem: they really are pretty awful. I sort of hate them but at the same time I kind of love them. And really, if anyone can make it work I can so maybe I’ll just get some. Plus I’ll feel good about myself when I wear them knowing that some little kid out there is wearing ugly shoes also because of me.

That is all, have a nice day. And if you’re in Baltimore don’t breathe to deeply.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

He's on Fire...

I just now realized that it has been two and a half weeks since I lasted posted anything on the blog. I didn’t even notice this, sorry about that. I have a good excuse though, its springtime. There’s been too much roof deck, and pool, and happy hour, and baseball games. To blog means I would have to come inside and not enjoy the beautiful weather. Although that is slightly counterintuitive, a more active lifestyle leads to less blogging. You’d think it would be the other way around. Anyway, to make it up to you I’ve decide to regale you with a story about how badass I am.

Over the weekend I got in an argument with some friends. The general thesis of the argument being that baseball is a more difficult sport to play than basketball. Obviously I was on the side of baseball. The argument became mildly heated (not heated in the, we’re about to come to blows sense, but heated in the, we’re talking way too loud in the bar sense. Because I mean really who gets in fights) for several reasons. The first be because we were drunk, which is a given, does anyone really argue about these types of things sober? Because we were drunk there was no resolution to argument simply because we were disputing two separate points. I was arguing that there is more skill involved in hitting and fielding a baseball and they were arguing that basketball players are more athletic, which was not the point of the disagreement. The main gist of the argument was that I was clearly right, and they were clearly wrong, but refused to accept this fact. I find this to be pretty common in arguments that I’m in, I’m always right and no one will just acknowledge that. And that is why my arguments never die, because f that, I refuse to lose, especially when I’m right. Which is most of the time.

The fight raged on until they bet me $100 that I couldn’t make 25 out of 100 three pointers. Bear in mind that I haven’t played basketball in years, and shooting a basketball is not at all like riding a bike. It’s one of those things that, the more you shoot, the better you are, but like I said, I don’t like to lose an argument so I had no choice but to take the bet.

The saying goes that there are only two certainties in life, but I’m adding a third one: death, taxes, and I’m awesome. I won with 30 shots to spare thus proving my point that basketball is easier. Here is the question though, I need to gloat, what can I buy with their $100 that will sufficiently taunt them?

Friday, May 08, 2009

Twitter is ruining my storytelling ability...

Homeless guy threatened to kill me for smiling and then a dog tried bite me.

What fuck is happening today?

Dogs usually love me. And homeless people. I'm disturbed.

Thats all I got.

Thursday, May 07, 2009

Save Gate 2

I don't really talk much about sports on this blog. Mainly because the majority of my life is consumed with sports so it's nice to not have it invade everything I do. And I also believe, as I've mentioned before I'm sure, that there a lot of people who do it better than myself*. I have mention though that I am a Yankees fan (commence hating me..... now). As such I obviously have an opinion on the new stadium**, which I won't get into because it's there are just to many layers and I'm far to lazy to spend the time it take to make that post coherent.

I just want to mention that I think this is a really cool idea and I hope they can make it happen. Seeing as I'm the type that watches a movie like Saving Private Ryan and thinks more about what a tragedy it is that all of those old buildings in France were destroyed than the war going on I think it's safe to say I like the idea of preserving history. I also love monuments, no matter what they are commemorating. Who doesn't.

I can already hear the complaints about the Yankees and New York City using even more tax payer money to preserve part of a stadium that shouldn't have been torn down in the first place, but f that, in 10 years those same people will be talking about how nice it is to have an attractive element making a nice park so distinct in one of the shittiest neighborhoods in America.

*Not many though, actually writing about sports is right in my wheelhouse and I'm probably better at that than anything else I do, but whatever, I don't want a sports blog.

**I don't like, but I'll reserve full judgement until I actually go there in July.

Tuesday, May 05, 2009


Remember that post I wrote a few weeks ago about St. Patricks day? The one that drew a small bit of ire?

Well ditto for Cinco de Mayo.

Monday, May 04, 2009

FU May

This is bullshit May, get it together.