Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Self(ish) Checkout

Can anyone tell me what the self checkout line at the grocery store is for? I mean, I know it's purpose, it just seems like now one else does. Mine impression has always been that one should use the self checkout when all the normal lines are long and all you have is 5 or 6 items with easily visible bar codes. Otherwise you go through a normal line. Is that crazy of me? I don't think so.

The other day I was at the Safeway, I need to make two purchases. I grabbed those two items and headed to self checkout. Seems like a pretty simple transaction right? Well there are for scanners in this section of the store. On this particular day one was broken, one was occupied by a young woman who clearly grasped the concept, and the other two were being used two total douche bags. The first was an older woman overflowing with groceries. Including at least 30 cans of cat food. How selfish an inconsiderate is that? Why would this woman possibly think she would be faster or more efficient than the 5-8 people whose job it is to scan and bag your massive cart of groceries? The other guy was even worse. He didn't have nearly as many things as the old woman but the only thing he had was fruit and vegetables. You know, as in items lacking a scan able bar code and therefore must be weighed and searched for on a menu to find the appropriate price. The type of menu that one would memorize had they say, worked there on a daily basis looking up fruits and vegetables on daily basis while helping others. I don't think it is an exaggeration to say that a cashier would have finished checking these two out at least 10 times faster than they could. Instead they have to be assholes and try and do it themselves. Do they have some sort of phobia and talking to strangers? Are they embarrassed other their groceries and don't want other people handling them? Are they germaphobes? Because of them the normally fast self checkout line ended up 7 or 8 people deep, all of whom had an appropriate amount of products for the line, and all of whom were able to check out on the one available computer before these idiots finished.

It's little things like that that really drive me crazy. It's kind of hard to have hope for the future of America when so many people are so stupid.

Thursday, July 23, 2009


I had 4 friends yesterday mention something about my lack of blogging lately. Apparently the masses are clamoring for an update on my life. Which is understandable because I lead a super exciting life. I'm like Jason Bourne. Or something. So let's see, let's see. What is new in my life. Ooh I know, I lost my job last week. That's a new development, I am now unemployed. In the midst of an "economic crisis". So that's cool.

I'm vaguely aware of the fact that I should be upset by this. Mostly because every time I mention it to someone they express some kind of condolences. I'm really not though. I guess I'm a little worried about what's going to happen next, but I hated my job. The only reason I hadn't left earlier is because it was comfortable and really who has motivation to leave a comfortable, easy situation. That's a rare trait that I don't possess. So really getting laid off is sort of like my former company saying, hey Eric, here's a hefty severance, why don't you take the rest of the summer off and then find a more enjoyable job that probably pays better. Well don't mind if I do.

So, yeah, if you need me you probably find me by the pool enjoying an adult beverage. Although, if you have any job offers feel free to interrupt.

Monday, July 06, 2009

Spin Around Ninjas

You would think by now I would have learned the wisdom of giving myself an extra day to fully recover from a vacation, but I have not. When you’ve spent almost a week trying to rationalize quitting your career to move to the beach be a bartender (my 401k is losing money anyways, who needs it, and health insurance just seems superfluous, I haven’t been sick in years) the last thing you want to do is go back to work. The only thing that could make it worse is if you’re totally exhausted upon your return to work because you’ve only been back from vacation for a few hours. In the future I will try and remember to schedule that extra day to get re-acclimated to not hearing the waves crashing on the shore while napping in the sand.

The point being, I could write a fun post recapping and enjoyable long weekend at the beach, instead I’m going to stare at my cubicle wall and try to stay awake for the remaining 6 or 7 hours of the day. What I will do is post my favorite YouTube clip ever. A friend of mine showed me this a few weeks ago and my life hasn’t been the same since. Really nothing makes me happier than this, and if you like it chances are I like you: