Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Where's Ice Cube When You Need Him?

I’m always kind of scared to get my haircut somewhere I’ve never been before. I fear some sort of follicle disaster that will leave me looking like Nick Nolte or Edward Scissorhands. I recently moved so I can’t go to my old barbershop. It’s been over a month, which is entirely too long, and as Leslie so kindly put it I “look a mess” so I figured it was time to find a new place. While wondering around the new neighborhood recently I found a barbershop conveniently located about a few blocks away so I decided to give it a try. I was sort of hoping it would be like the movie because I think that would be an amazing for me. Unfortunately it wasn’t, just a very small barbershop, two chairs and two little Asian women cutting dudes hair. I had to wait for a few minutes so I started to peruse the magazine selection, that’s when I notice something was amiss. I’ve personally have never seen porn mixed in with the usual Maxim’s and Sports Illustrated’s of a normal barbershop. This sort of made me wonder if there weren’t some other more unsavory activities going on behind the scenes that I don’t know about. I was pretty skeptical but decided to press on. When it was my turn to step up I was super nervous. I sat down, got my little hair smock thing on and she just started going to town without even asking what I wanted. Although after a few snips she did say, “Short in back and sides?” and I said, “Um, I guess.” I’m not really an argumentative sort, and really I’m not terribly picky so I just went with it. The only problem being that she had me facing away from the mirror the whole time. Is there anything more unsettling than having a women flailing away at your head when you can’t even see what’s happening? Oh there is one thing; when they use the straight razor to shave your neck after they’re done cutting your hair. This is terrifying to me. First off I have a mole on the back of my neck and I’m always afraid it’s going to get lopped off, and I’m certain that thing would be a bleeder. Second, I always feel like my life is in this little Asian women’s hands at that point, one flick of the wrist and I’m totally assassinated. But I made it out alive so here is an anticlimactic ending to a bad story: the haircut turned out ok. It’s a little higher and tighter than normal but that’s fine, it’ll grow back in no time. For now, as a friend would put it, I’m baby hair Eric. Basically I look like an eleven year old who may or may not have been able to get a handjob after my haircut. Which is weird.

9 comments:

Mike said...

If I were you I would have at least investigated the porn lead a little more.

Ashburnite said...

wait, they had porn there??? And you didn't ask about it? Was it Playboy, or something a little more hard core?

Anonymous said...

did you notice a sign that said "massages $15/15 min"?

Rachel said...

Did they just have porn for men or for both men and women?
I need to know if I have to call them on their sexual harrassment policy. Can't be leaving the women hanging now, can we?

Los said...

Ah, I remember a barbershop I used to go to that had Playboy magazines ... no big deal now, but when I was 11, this ruled.

David said...

Only important people get assassinated. You'd have just gotten 'kilt'

It seems you dropped the ball on the porn.

Tony said...

I got to this old italian barber shop and they have lots of porn. I even read it while getting my hair cut. I am sure that this was a place where they also used to give you a shot before they started to chop. The place is also a good place to bet on football and basketball....a real treat.

Another thing is that they keep a straight edge razor there with your name on it so when you come back, they use that one instead of one used by every knucklehead that walks in.

For some reason, I trust ol' Franco with the razor. There is something about old Italian guys cutting hair that instills a sense of ease.

Eric said...

Mike - I was a little thrown off, just wanted to get the haircut and bounce

Ash - Yeah it was just a few magazines, no DADV on the T.V. or anything, but still not exactly family friendly

JW - No sign unfortunately

Rachel - No womens porn, looks like a lawsuit waiting to happen. Get on that.

Los - So you were looking at Playboy at the barbershop at age 11 huh? Was it awkward getting your haircut with a boner after that?

David - I think I'm important enough to call it an assissination. I'l like Franz Ferdinand

Tony - I definitely agree a good barbershop is pretty relaxing. I guess I'll have to find my comfort zone before I start perusing the porn collection at this new place.

Los said...

Eric - ya had to stop looking at the Playboys about 5 minutes before the haircut.