Friday, November 17, 2006

I Love My Job

When you spend most of your days wallowing in a cubicle dying a slow death you have to find ways to spice things up, make life a little more interesting. Be it putting your coworkers stapler in a Jell-O mold a la The Office (which by the way is much harder than you’d think, it took a lot of recipe experimentation), or covering someone’s entire cubicle in post it notes. Sometimes it can be organizing a flip cup game in the conference room. You haven’t played flip cup until you’ve played with a bunch of engineers in their 50’s that probably haven’t had fun in thirty years, they eat that stuff up, and it’s hilarious. Or say you have a brash young intern how is want to make bold proclamations like the ability to eat 50 Dunkin Donuts Munchkins in 5 minutes (or that he invented the question mark). When that scenario arises there is only one logical step that can follow: an eating contest in the break room. Brian, being a natural born instigator, lined up an opponent for the contest. The stakes were as follows: first one to finish pays for the others Munchkins, if it is done in less than 5 minutes the person gets and additional $20. Any reasonable person knows that this is not possible unless you are Kobayashi, which they are not, but it’s fun to make them think they have a chance and get everyone else in the office riled up in the process.

The contest did not get off to a great start for Ben, two munchkins in he admitted that it wasn’t happening, but he’s a soldier, he carried on. His two at a time technique got him off to an early lead. By the time the 5:00 minute mark comes around they’ve barely put a dent in the box, not even close to halfway. With the prize money out the window I have no idea why they kept going, but they did. Pride is a funny thing I guess. Over time Justin (the intern) started mounting his comeback, he was the tortoise to Ben’s hare. Ben tapped out at around 15 minutes with 14 donut holes left, a pretty piss poor effort if you ask me. Brian (once again, instigator) declared that Justin could only get his DD paid for if he finished the whole box, even though Ben already quit. 22 minutes and 45 Munchkins later Justin had finally had enough. Normally I would give him credit, it was a pretty impressive/disgusting effort, but when he claims that he can eat a whole box in 5 minutes he gets no props for eating most of a box in a half hour. Nice try pussy. Occasionally you can hear a little moan of stomach pain coming from his cubicle, I love it. Once again, another awesome day at the office.

13 comments:

Ashburnite said...

wow....I need to come work in your office. Mine is boring.

Brian said...

the best part is we eseentially ruined the prodcutivity of the entire office. unprovoked, our co-workers will sit and work hard all day long. but give them a reason (like calling out the guy who pee's on the floor, or making a dating ad for one of them on the internet) and they will talk about it all day long. right now i still hear 2 separate conversations about the events of the this morning...

Hey Pretty said...

I'm jealous. All my co-workers ever do is eat candy and gossip about one another. I would like to note that the majority of my peers at work are guys, too.

Mike said...

We have an outstanding, open challenge for somebody to eat 3 Chipotle burritos in one sitting. Since we are grad students and poor, the official prize is just that you wouldn't have to pay for them. I think I'd toss in $10 on top of that, but I really doubt that it can be done.

David said...

Maybe they should make a sitcom based on your office. Nothing ever happens where I work, plus I'm the boss, so I probably wouldn't be involved anyway. I should have finished college.......

Eric said...

Mike - will be forwarding this to Iceguy, because as you know he downed 2 burritos in about 20 minutes, so three isnt out of the question.

Brian - it is fun to cause a stir in the office, it doesnt take much to getting everyone all riled up and of topic for like an hour at a time

HP, Ash, David - in reality our office is not particularly outrageous, in fact i'm sure it like most other offices. I dont like to toot my own horn, but really the only reason all the crazy things happen around our office is because me and brian make them happen. we decided to throw the whole idea of "professionalism" out the window a long time ago. basically what im saying is that if you're company wanted to grossly overcompensate us for our services we would gladly make a career change and do our best to make your office as fun as possible.

Los said...

But why munchkins? Why not wings, or hot dogs? This would be much more exciting ... until somebody puked.

iceguy said...

Three?

I can't imagine wanting to do three. I felt miserable for the entire afternoon after two.

But I'm confident, that if given 45 minutes, I could do it. But I doubt I'll ever try.

Anonymous said...

I totally want to know the recipe for the stapler in the jello. I have been wanting to do that to a coworker for months, but just haven't gotten around to it.

One time I got in trouble at work for annoucing free cone day at ben and jerry's over the intercom system. Apparently they are nearly as much fun as your office.

J-Rock said...

ouch you and Brian are harsh on my muchkin eating ability.
"Normally I would give him credit, it was a pretty impressive/disgusting effort, but when he claims that he can eat a whole box in 5 minutes he gets no props for eating most of a box in a half hour. Nice try pussy"-Eric
First off i need to tell him that im not an intern, and second of all, i still ate more donuts in 23 minutes then eric has evre eatin in his life. so tell that pussy if he ever gets the balls to roll, bring it, cause IT has be broughten

J-Rock said...

oh yea, Ben good job man, and i dont think i will ever be in another eating contest for a while. i as sick for half the day (no i didn't puke) but i had half sugar rushing, and half stomach hurt. it has horrible. But i am still the undefeated Muchkin Eating Champion. even tho i didn't finish all 50, and was well over 23, no one besides me and Ben even attempted, so i dont think anyone has any room to talk about my ability

J-Rizzle Fo Shizzle said...

Mike- about the 3 Chipotle burritos in one sitting, i think can do 3, but i dunno if its humanly possible to fit that much in your stomach at once. if u think how big one is, theres no way unless your some kind of freak...unless your eric, because we all know how good he is at shoving big things down this throat. :P

J-Rock said...

Dunno who that is who posted the above comment, but its not me. Im the O-G J-Rock