Monday, November 20, 2006

Eric, You So Crazy

If anyone read this blog with any regularity than they probably would have picked up on the central theme of the whole thing: I’m kind of a dumbass. My friend Aaron constantly tells me that I should stop writing about how much I suck. For some reason he might be under the impression that I have low self-esteem, which really couldn’t be further from the truth. I’m actually a pretty big fan of myself. Some have said that I have a little of a big head. I don’t know if that’s true or not but there is one thing I know, I am awesome. But as awesome as I am I also have the proclivity to be a bit of a tard because I pay attention to almost nothing that goes on around me. I think the little anecdotes are amusing so I write the down in this blog on the off chance that someone else feels the same way. So it’s not low self esteem, I’m just a giver who wants to brighten the day of other with my total absentmindedness.

Having said all that here are the most recent examples of being not so awesome:

I moved about six weeks ago. I have acquired a depressingly small amount of personal objects in my 26 years, so the move was rather unorganized. Why bother with packing when you can just throw all your crap in the back of a van in 45 minutes and bounce. Since the temperature has dropped recently I’ve started wearing my dress coat to work. It’s a pretty standard 3 button, knee length, black Banana Republic coat. When I put it on I noticed the shoulders were a little broader, I thought this a little strange but just blamed it on not going to the gym in a while. This morning was particularly cold so I had to button up on my walk to work this morning. That’s when I realized that collar was all off, and the buttons seemed to low. I thought maybe it’s just losing shape or something from hanging in the closet for months. Then at lunch today Brian went ahead and confirmed that I had in fact taken his coat when I moved out and have been wearing it this whole time. Upon further the inspection they are completely different coats and anyone other than me would have picked up on this immediately. Well that and also in the pocket were receipts in Brian’s name from thing he bought last winter. I’m not sure why this didn’t raise any sort of red flags for me. I would be the worst detective ever.

Speaking of lunch today I pulled another classic Eric style boner. I am notorious for not finishing my food. I have a small appetite; my eyes are always bigger than my stomach. It’s gotten to the point where Morgan doesn’t order that much food because it is a guarantee that if she is still hungry I’ll have plenty left over to go around. Today I ate at a deli that I have never been to before. I ordered a club sandwich, a medium fry and a soda. I thought things seemed fishy the total came to $16, that’s a bit excessive for a sandwich. Then I get an absolute mountain of a sandwich. There was no way I was finishing it as is, but that’s before the fries came. Seriously, who fills up a 72 ounce bucket with French fries and then has the audacity to call it a medium. There was a comical amount of food on my tray, which in hindsight I totally could have seen coming if I had simply looked at the menu of the restaurant I had never been to before instead of just waltzing in and ordering like I owned the place. It’s always nice, during the holiday season, to throw away about 6 pounds of turkey when there are people starving outside

14 comments:

Fairmaiden327 said...

I find you hilarious. Now I have to read all your posts. Goddamn OCD.

Mike said...

I'm surprised you didn't finish all of that food since you definitely ate 3/4 of that omelette last Spring in Vegas. What happened to that apetite. Oh, wait...

Baha Azimirad said...

you are such a loser

Anonymous said...

you sure do talk about boners a lot Eric

Tony said...

Baha....do you have to be a dick everywhere?

Brian said...

baha is right. eric ate 2 of the 10 egg omlette and then bragged about eating 75% of it [with that look on his face like he just broke his sisters cd]

Eric said...

It's funny that I said something about having a big head then I remember that all my "friends" make fun of me at every possible instance.

ANd I definitely ate at least half of that omelet, and I didn't brag about it, I was simply defending myself against the totally baseless accusations that I barely ate any of it.

ANd Baha you're a dick, i hate you

Rachel said...

I am the person that says stupid things around my friends. A Lot.
It is like the tact filter went on hiatus when I am with my friends.

I had met some friends at a coffee shop and one of my friends had told another friend that she was pregnant (without being married). About 45 minutes into a discussion that we were having at the coffee shop we got onto a discussion about another acquaintance that had just gotten married VERY quickly.
I said "Oh well, at least she waited to have sex until she was married" without thinking another thought about it. My friends looked at me then to each other and burst out laughing.

That was just one of many of my open mouth, insert foot episodes.

Los said...

Heh-heh - you said that you pulled off a boner.

I am the same way with not noticing things ... See, we focus on more important things, that's all.

Steph said...

You crack me up. I think it actually takes a very secure person to write about all their fuck ups.
That's my story anyway :P

iceguy said...

Eric's next post.... How he tried to order pizza tonight, and got distracted at the last step of the on-line ordering process, and forgot to finish it, thus making the pizza a full hour later than it should have been.

Dave said...

hey eric, i want papa john's next monday for the football game...can you start the ordering process now?

Baha Azimirad said...

NEVER let eric order pizza

jessy said...

eric, are leftover's so last season or something?!? We have this marvelous invention called refrigerators and plastic containers to keep things to eat again later. you should check it out.