TWSSF

I wish I had something I could tell you guys. Some excuse I could give you as to why you've been deprived of That's What She Said Friday for the last few weeks but there isn't. I can lie to you guys. Truth is I just didn't feel like it. As you all know I'm very lazy, but I'm back. This week I'll turn it over to McSweeney's, becuase they're much funnier than myself. Check it out.

RPTWSSF

Reader Participation That's What She Said Friday was a rousing success last week! Ok mild success. No? Not even that? Well I don't care, we're doing it again. Here it is, try and figure out what I was talking about:

Me: It was right on the tip of my tongue but it's not coming, I'm going to have to go with something else
Matt: That's what she said.


Have at it. A challenge to my friends (I'm looking at you in particular Mike, Baha, and Wendy) no BJ jokes.

TWSSF

What's up mofos? So everyone loves That's What She Said Friday right? I know I do. But really how often can you turn benign conversation into sexual innuendo? Forever I think, but it still gets a tad repetitive. That's why I adding a twist this week. You guys have been sitting on my fastball to long, it's time to mix in a changeup. That's why this week is Reader Participation That's What She Said Friday. Or RPTWSSF for short. Instead of setting the scene then revealing the conversation I'm just going to tell you the joke, and then if you like fun you can guess what I'm talking about in the comments section. Sounds awesome right? No? Well humor me. Here goes:

Me: I kind of like that I can just stick it in for 5-10 minutes and forget about it until its done.
Aaron: That's what she said

What the heck am I talking about?! Crazy. Have fun

Answer to come whenever I feel like it.

TWSSF

Doesn't the first full week back after the holidays also seem soooo long? It's excruciating. Really I could get used to 3 and 4 day work weeks. How can I arrange that? Until then I can think of only one thing that can make then long week feel a little shorter, the triumphant return of That's What She Said Friday! Here goes:

My roommate Aaron works for Enterprise Rent-A-Car. Apparently now they offer navigation systems to people renting from them, the removable kind that you suction cup to the windshield. For liability purposes employees are not allowed to physically install the GPS for the driver. Which makes sense because could you really put it past someone blaming a little box in their windshield for driving their car off of a bridge of something (or driving into a lake a la Micheal Scott). I wouldn't, this is America after all. Anyway, one of my roommates employees was demonstrating how to install it to a customer when he said this:

Random enterprise employee: I'm going to put it in for you to show you how it's done, but then I'm going to take it out and you can stick it anywhere you feel comfortable.

Aaron: (in his head because he has to pretend to be professional around customers at work) That's what she said.

Here are some emails I received this week:

From Mike:

I joined a dodge ball team. There are two types of balls, 4 small multicolored balls and 2 larger red balls. From last night:

Guy On My Team (yelling from the court as the last person facing 3 people from the other team): I like the big red balls!

Me (yelling from the sideline): That's what she said!

Next from Jason via Brittany:

So, I put a song on from my Ipod for Dell and after it played for a little I turned down the volume. She continued to sing the song so I said to her “I can keep it up if you want” and then our admin Sue said “That’s what she said”

Keep in mind that Britt just started working there two weeks ago, and Sue is 60 years old.

TWSS Friday!

Oh hey. Remember me? I'm back from Christmas at home with the family. It was lovely. I'm also back to letting other people do the work of blogging for me. You know what that means, it's TWSS Friday!

Here's a forwarded email from a friends sister. I may or may not have met this person at their wedding but I don't recall. I drank a lot that weekend. Take it away Joanna:

No one around here seems to understand TWSS, so I play by myself in my head. It keeps me amused when some people are really boring.

While riding in a Excursion limo, Jared said "It's so huge in here.I could park my Saturn in here." So I thought, "That's what he said."

Jared was lying on the seat and slid when the driver hit the brakes. He said "I could come out shorter than Adrian." Well I thought,"That's what I said."

Jared remarked on his lacrosse style of play against cocky opponents,"I pounce on dicks." Obviously I thought, "That's what she said."

The last ones my favorite.

TWSS Friday

What a glorious day. The sun is shining, the leaves are falling and the temperature is brisk. A perfect fall day. Nice try whoever controls the weather. You think I don't remember what a miserable week it's been? Oh I do. But who cares, it's the end of the week, it's beautiful outside, and it's That's What She Said Friday!

This weeks entry is from Wendy. Take it away Wendy:

So, Tony and I were sitting at lunch, and enters Brian, a graduatestudent that has a fellowship with teaching requirements. Brian hasto teach his lectures today (in Nov). and the following conversationensues

Tony: So you've been going to lecture all this time?

Brian: I come when I can.

Wendy: That's what he said.

I like that Wendy put the joke above herself. Being that she is a girl she could have easily gone with, "That's what I say," but she stuck to her roots. That's professionalism at it's finest.

That's What She Said Friday!

It's time for another installment of That's What She Said Friday! Are you guys pumped? I know I am. This week it's an all Aaron edition of TWSSF. Who's Aaron? It doesn't matter, it's just a coincidence that he had two good TWSSs this week.

First, Aaron was trying to turn on his laptop. Apparently the process has been slowed significantly as a result of some weather program he downloaded recently and it's been a cause of frustration for him.

Aaron: Dammit, I need more RAM.

Me: That's what she said.

Not my best effort but whatever, it's been a slow week.

Last night we were eating dinner after winning our first round playoff game and advancing to the City Finals next week in kickball (Ed. Note: Our kickball team is sick). Aaron pulled out his wallet to pay for dinner.

Jess: [referring to his wallet] It's so little.

Aaron: [dejectedly] That's what she said.

Have a good weekend suckers.

That's What She Said Friday!

NaBloPoMo is going to be totally easy. There are 5 Friday's in November. Almost 17% of the month's posts will be That's What She Said Fridays. This will be a cake walk. Although I don't think I've ever posted anything on a weekend, so that might cause a problem. Anyway, on with it:

Everytime Leslie puts on any type of perfume she thinks it's funny to spray me with it also. She did it again this morning leading to this exchange:

Me: You always squirt me with that stuff.
Leslie: That's what she said.

TWSSF

I'm really glad I invented That's What She Said Friday for a multitude of reasons. Mainly because it's hilarious and a phenomenon that's sweeping the nation. Literally tens of people are tuning each week to find out what she said. The other reason though is because I got nothin'. I mean without this I'd barely ever post. I mean, it's not like a lead an exceedingly boring life. I mean I'm homeless and don't have a car. Things happen, I just rarely find the inspiration to write about it lately. And forget about me coming up with my own ideas, that's not really in my wheel house. I lack the necessary characteristics for that. Namely talent, creativity and writing ability. Maybe my life is boring. I'll tell you what, maybe next week I'll just document each day of the week and leave it up to you, the audience, to decide whether my life is awesome (which I think it is) or boring (which is what you would assume from reading this blog). So look forward to that. Anyway, on to the point of this post, this might be the raunchiest TWSSF ever and I love it. Here goes:

Last Sunday morning a few friends were laying/dying around Mike's apartment after participating in the previous nights Homecoming festivities. I was laying on the floor and Hotmetal/HoOtmetal was sitting in a chair above me swinging a key on a lanyard around his finger when the following conversation ensued:

Me: Hotmetal can you stop doing that, I feel like you're going to let it go on my face and I'm not comfortable with that.
Mike: That's what she said.


I don't like money shots apparently.

TWSSF

It's Friday, you know what that means. Today is our first ever Celebrity That's What She Said Firday. Bumbling retard John Madden was kind enough to provide us a great TWSS this week.

With 6 secs left in the first half, the Seahawks were about kick a FG. John Madden is talking about the rule that allows the coaches to call timeouts from the sidelines, and he says the following.

"Well they're going to have to change that rule. Because it comes from the back of the kicking team. And I don't like stuff that comes from the back"

Craig and Matt simultaneously said, "That's what she said."

TWSSF

It's That's What She Said Friday, but not just any TWSSF. It's a special TWSSF because today is the birfday of two of our most frequent contributors and loyal readers. Have a happy B day Dave and Amanda, I hope it doesn't suck. That's what she said. Here's an email I got from Leslie this week:

Kristin was feeling like she may be getting sick so during lunch she went over to whole foods to pick up some vitamin C. She came back with a big bottle of these huge green pills. The bottle instructs you to take 6 every 3 hours, which seems ridiculous and lethal.
Not to be deterred, Kristin confirmed "Its ok guys Im really good at swallowing things."
Morgan: "Thats what she said"
To make it even funnier Kristin didnt even hear Morgan because she was too focused on the pill popping. I was just sitting at my desk giggling for a few minutes then Kristin said, "What? What did I say? Ohh Im good at swallowing? I knew that came out wrong." (Ed. Note: I wou'd have added a second TWSS after that last comment, but that's just me.


Working in the field that I do (structural engineering) I come across some fairly hilarious terms. Being extremely immature I often laugh at these terms. An example:
A coworker was on the phone with a client discussing the final plans for some building I don't know anything about when he said, "We're going to have trouble getting it erected." What I heard was, "I'm going to have trouble getting an erection," obviously I found this hialrious. In my head I said, that's what he said. I almost said it out loud but then I thought if I said that it might sound like I was projecting some sort of personnal problem so I tried to think of a way to say it without sounding like I had erectile dysfunction. The best I could come up with was "That's what she hopes he doesn't say." I almost said that but then I thought that would sound like I was trying to hard so I wanted to come up with something better. By then the moment had passed. Moral of the story? I'm a nerd.

TWSSF

It's Friday. You know what that means. It's time for another installment of That's What She Said Friday! I know it's pretty lame to not post all week and then come back with this but I'm doing it anyway. I've been busy, get off my back. From Dave, enjoy (he doesn't use capital letters):

short and simple:

my key was kind of jamming in the front door and not unlocking easy, so i sprayed some WD-40 on it and then it worked pretty well.

so i say to my roomate, "it is working better, i lubed it up." and he made the obvious reply "is it thats what she said friday yet?"

and then he used his key and said that he thought it was a little too loose. so my front door is a whore now.

TWSS Friday's Triumphant Return

That's What She Said Friday is back! I missed the last two weeks and was pretty thoroughly berated for it. Sorry for having a job that sometimes gets in the way of you being entertained by juvenile humor. I won't let it happen again. Jerks. I wasn't going to do it again this week because caught some sort of deadly virus on a plane this weekend. Or a cold, either way I feel like crap. Airplanes are cess pools of disease by the way. Especially ones flying between Cleveland and Baltimore. Anyway, on with the festivities.

Here's one I stole from Jake:

Went on a SHA golf outing today. Frank, a 55 year old head of the hydro department, picks up a golf ball and slowly reads the label on it aloud, "Noodle... long and soft". Without hesitation, Denny, a 60 some year old highway designer, blurts out "That's what your wife said." I guess that's the old balls way of saying TWSS.

It's nice to see the forefathers of TWSS still have it.

Next:

For some reason Brian thought it would be a good idea to try and sharpen a Twizzler and use it as a pencil. This process is harder than you think. Also it produces a conversation resulting in no less than 5 top notch TWSSs. I only remember one (Don't forget I'm nearly on my deathbed, it may have caused some sort of neurological damage), here's how it went:

Bingo was trying to sharpen the Twizzler himself but was having a harder time operating the manual pencil sharpener and holding the Twizzler firm enough to be sharpened.

Brian: (Now holding the Twizzler) You get it going and I'll stick it in as hard as I can.
Bingo: (Cranking furiously at the pencil sharpener)
Me: That's what he said.

TWSSF

It's friday, you know what that means, it's time to let everyone else do the work for me with That's What She Said Friday! Lets get to it.

This weekend I was in New York with Mike and Leslie. We stayed with Mike's cousin Brian, who is not exactly a TWSS connoisseur. He hasn't quite grasped the joke, but he tries and that's what really matters. On Saturday we were coming out of the subway, Brian in the lead, when we ran into a homeless man who said "Got any change you can spare?"

To which Brian's response was, "That's what she said."

I think the homeless guy was a little befuddled because he then said, "Who's she?"



Here's one of the raunchy TWSSs you'll hear. Matt has a coworker who has been fighting a cold all week. He decided to battle through the cold and have some spicy food lunch which he described thusly, "It's kind of hot going down my throat." Matt didn't choke this time and actually provided the appropriate response. I'm glad you're learning the importance of That's What She Said in our society Matt.


Here's a submission from Dave:

a couple of my eletrical sockets stopped working tonight, so my roomate and linds (Ed note: Dave's fiancee) and i are trying to fix them. we end up hitting the reset button and it works. i said, oh yeah, thats what i sometimes have to do the socket outside for the sump pump. if it gets too wet, i need to stick my finger under it and hit the button.

my roomate replies...

That's What She Said (Ed. Note: Well played Dave's roommate)

I'm going out of town for the weekend so I'm taking tomorrow off. So essentially that makes today my Friday. You know what that means? It's That's What She Said Friday! On a THURSDAY! This is like The Matrix or something. I just blew my own mind.







This weeks TWSS comes from Mike and Tony. Mike as has been documented was on the forefront of TWSS awesomeness, Tony is a relative newcomer. It involves an epic, unprecedented TWSS triple. Enjoy:


Backstory: Tony is a former officemate of Mike's in grad school. He's an avid fan of both the Office and baseball. They were at a Nats game.

Tony (half way through an Italian sausage, looks up with a smirk): This sausage is huge, I'm having trouble fitting my mouth around it.
Mike: That's what she said.
Tony: That was like T-ball.
Mike: Yeah, as soon as you turned your head I knew something was coming... (brief pause) That's what she said.
Tony: Nice self set-up.
Mike: Sometimes you have to do that.
Tony: Yeah, now that you aren't there any more, I'm forced to do it in the office.
Mike: That's what she said.

TWSS

I can tell by the literally tens of people flooding my stat tracker this morning that That's What She Said Friday is a bona fide phenomenon. The readers love it, I love it, Dwight Schrute loves it. I must provide a disclaimer though; My inbox has been blowing up all week with reader submissions, which is kick ass. Unfortunately I can't use them all because I'm just to lazy to compile everything together. I mean, really it's a lot of work. So if you don't see yours don't take offense, it doesn't mean you're not awesome, it just means that someone might have been awesomer this week. Anyway, on to it:

First up today is from Aaron, who was playing golf this Saturday with his girlfriend Sarah and her father when the following exchange occured:

sarah's dad: "you've really got to stick it in there stiff"
sarah: "that's what she said"


Next is from frequent TWSSF contributor Amanda and her sister Jeanine, who is best described as an avid reader and loyal fan. They were making a scrapbook for their younger sister Sarah which lead to this:

Jeanine: I have to say, it's much better doing this with someone than
having to do it all by myself
Calvin: That's what she said.


And one final TWSS for this week courtesy of my broseph. I'll let him tell you in his own words:

Maybe this doesn't apply because she actually said it, but I laughed and so I thought I'd share.

This was a conversation about roller coasters Sunday night. I don't how it started. Doesn't matter.

Jennifer: We went to Busch Gardens and rode the Griffon.......blah, blah, more story

Kessley: I hate roller coasters! (proceeds to tell lengthy story detailing traumatic childhood event). I don't understand what you like about them? Is it the feeling that you somehow survived something scary and dangerous?

David (that's me): It's just an adrenaline rush. There's no fear involved.

Josh: I hate them too. Jennifer makes me ride them.

Ashley (who, to this point, had contributed nothing to the conversation): You can put me on anything and I'll ride it!

Kessley, Josh, and Jennifer: silence

Well, you know the rest.......I couldn't resist the TWSS




Hope you enjoyed it, keep the submissions coming and I'll keep mailing it in on Fridays for your enjoyment.

That's What She Said Friday

It’s That’s What She Said Friday! This week was a really tough one. I had two excellent choices; I went back and forth all morning over which selection would make cut. Eventually I came to the decision that you guys have been really good this week and deserve a special treat. It’s a That’s What She Said double feature!

The first one comes from my friend Pat. He’s an architect, but he also happens to be an AutoCAD specialist. I’ve seen his work, it’s stellar. As a result of being better at AutoCAD than everyone else he often gets annoying requests for help from his coworkers. Enjoy the following exchange:

Co-worker- "yo...can you save that rendering on the network for me?"
Pat - frustrated because this happens a lot "fine...tell me where to save it?"
Co-worker- with an equally frustrated tone back to me "i don’t care...just put it wherever you want..."

...PAUSE...

Pat - "that’s what she said..."

BSSC is the organization that runs the social sports leagues in Baltimore (you know, where my friends and I win all the championships, except for softball this year, I don’t want to talk about it). Matt works for BSSC on the side refereeing football and volleyball, and being an official for softball and kickball. During softball season his job is to set up the fields before the games and then walk around making sure no chaos ensues. This week he was installing the bases on a field (which are held in by metal stakes driven into the dirt) with Becca when this conversation took place:

Becca - Let me show you a trick.
Becca – You have to find the hole before you hammer it in.
Matt - ---snickering---
Matt - ……
Matt - ….

He didn’t say that’s what she said. Can you believe that? What a wasted opportunity. Matt, I don’t even know you anymore.

TWSS Friday

It's Friday. You know what that means. Today is our first ever reader submitted "that's what she said." That's right, I take reader submissions so feel free to hit me up email style and you'll be considered for this prestigious honor. On with it:

Amanda was trying to figure out how to use a flash drive for her computer.

Amanda: Where do I put this thing?
Kenny: You have to put it in the back.
(Dramatic Pause)
Kenny: That's what she said.

I wish.






PS TWSSF needs a logo, if anyone is bored and knows how to do that kind of thing have at it. I'll totally use it. The more Micheal Scott/Dwight Schrute the better.

That's What She Said

It's That's What She Said Friday! Let's get to it. My friend Brian was recently married. Early this week he was discussing his ring, specifically how it fit. The follow is a snippet of that conversation.

Brian: I really have to work it to get it off.
Me: That's what she said.

Indeed!