Thursday, April 26, 2007


Last night I went to the Orioles-Red Sox game, here are some notes:

- An albino man was sitting two rows in front of me. That part wasn’t the weird part, I think at 26 I’ve finally matured to the point where a physical abnormality isn’t going to cause any giggle fits (so why did I even mention it? Because I just did shut up). What was weird was the binoculars he used to view they game. Instead of traditional binoculars he had two individual eyepieces suction cupped to each lens of his glasses. He looked like a jeweler who got the loupe stuck in his eye and instead of seeing a doctor about it just went ahead and used the other eye, but then he got that one stuck too. And all game he kept turning around to talk to his friends, it was really freaking me out.

- Guess what? The Red Sox have a new Japanese pitcher. I’m not talking about Dice-K though; I’m talking about Hideki Okijima, a left handed reliever. One of the more obnoxious Red Sox fans, and there were plenty of them, was calling him Japelbon (after their closer Jonathan Papelbon). While it’s a mildly amusing play on his name, isn’t that also sort of racist? You might want to keep that one to yourself instead of yelling it in public.

- Speaking of Red Sox fans, there were definitely quite a few more of them in the stadium last night than there were Orioles supporters. This is almost always the case when the Yankees or Red Sox are in town. There are a few reasons for that. There fans travel well because it’s much more difficult/expensive to get tickets in Boston or New York so they go elsewhere to catch a game. Also no two teams in all of sports have had their bandwagons more overloaded in the last few years then them so they have “fans” everywhere. Be that as it may, if I was an Orioles fan I would be pretty appalled to go to a game and feel like it’s a road game because the other team’s fans outnumber you and are much louder. lists Baltimore’s average attendance as 21,964 a game. Good for 24th out of the 30 teams in the league. I’ve been to 5 of the 12 home games this year and I’m pretty confident that number isn’t even close to correct. Either that or I’m really bad at estimating because at least three of the games I’ve been to have seen less than 10,000 come through the turnstiles. There are 2.6 million people in the Baltimore metro area, and that doesn’t even include the millions of people in the D.C. metro area who live just a little ways down 95. You’re telling that on a nightly basis less than 1% of the population doesn’t want to come to a baseball game. Everyone laments the Yankees and Red Sox for the money they spend, but they spend that money because they make that money. Fan indifference isn’t really going help create a quality product on the field. I’m also a very firm believer that a great home crowd is worth a few wins a year, and for a team like the Orioles this year that could mean the difference between a playoff push and finishing 4th. Again. Get with it O’s fans, you have a beautiful stadium (easily top five in baseball, if not top 3) and you only outdrew the Nationals by 100 people last year. 100. Have you been to RFK stadium? It’s a hole. And the Nats may be one of the worst teams ever put together, they’re awful to watch, yet only 100 less people chose to see them play. That’s embarrassing.

- There was a woman in the stands looking at paint swatches and furniture catalogs the entire game. Seriously, you paid money for a ticket to do this? I guess I can’t complain though, at least she was there.

- Every inning when the outfielders are warming up a relief pitcher comes out of the bullpen to throw with the leftfielder. Every inning the pitcher waits for Corey Patterson to finish tossing with the right fielder then runs a crossing route while Patterson leads him to the bullpen door. I thought you should know that. It makes me like Corey Patterson a lot more.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Global Warming

This morning at work I received an email with a website where you could sponsor a tree for a dollar as a way to fight global climate change. Seems like a good idea, and I'm all for the whole green initiative, but I'm also very lazy so I just skimmed it and then deleted it. A few hours later I got another email in response to the first email. Apparently some one is very against this idea and wanted his voice to be heard. He reply simply stated, "no, global warming is a scam." The only problem is he accidently hit reply all, and sent this to several thousand people in the company. I think he will be seeing someone in their office later this afternoon.


The situation has deteriorated in to reply all mess. There is a debate on global warming raging. Also there are quite a few people requesting to take their names of of the list. Hey jackass, there are like 20,000 people on this email list, do you really thinking everyone is going to look through to find yours and delete it just so they can continue an argument without bothering you. Don't reply all if you want everyone else to stopped hitting reply all. There are also a few people who felt the need to throw out a zinger. Like this one, "I did not know the global warming causes email floods too." Boo yah. The piece du resistance though is this picture, sent to the entire company, from Mr. Bernardo Rios in the Houston, TX office:

Monday, April 23, 2007

Identity Theft

One of the fastest growing crimes in this country is identity theft. Some 10 million Americans have been victims of this crime in one way or another. I’m pretty lazy so, despite knowing this, I still toss my credit card information and social security number around the internet like Alec Baldwin insulting his daughter. I’ve yet to have a problem with this, but I imagine the effects of identity theft can range from mild pain in the ass to life ruining. That is why I understand the need for legal type people specializing in identity theft cases. It would be nice to know that there is an expert in this scenario that could help me. Today at lunch there was a guy in the restaurant passing out business cars for this exact reason.

This guy is not someone I think I would call if I happened to notice I was winning a lot of eBay auctions I did not bid on. Something just seems a little fishy about a guy who does his advertising by passing around cheap business cards in a deli. Independent Associate eh Anthony? Are you really going to help me out with an identity theft complaint or is this actually the worst scheme ever to steal my identity? I have to hand it to you; this is probably the first time anyone has ever tried reverse psychology to steal my identity. You’re good Anthony D. Hill, but I win this round.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

A Little White Lie

I like to think that I’m a fairly decent person. I’m polite to everyone. I’m always available to help out a friend in need. One thing I rarely do though is give money to a homeless person. Living in the city long enough you become numb and immune the constant solicitations. I still feel bad when I pass by someone begging for change, so I at least try and acknowledge them instead of just blowing by pretending like they don’t exist. But too many times have someone asked for change to get a bite of eat only to turn down the actual food I’m offering. Beggars can’t be choosers homeless man, eat the damn sandwich.

Yesterday I may have crossed the line of being an asshole to a homeless man. I was walking down the street when a man asked if I had any change to spare. I gave him my usual response, “no sorry, brah, I don’t have anything.” I always add in a brah or bro or man or something like that, I have no idea why. Meanwhile the reason I was walking down the street is because I was finally heading to a Coinstar machine to cash in the hundreds of dollars in change that has been piling up in my bedroom for the last few months. A man simply asked for some change and I told him no when in reality I had like 2300 nickels in my bag. I think I may take a hit in the karma department for that one.

Friday, April 13, 2007

Take it away Jason.

Dom Imus is a jackass. He should've been fired a long time ago for being boring, unfunny, and scary looking. Also he's been dead for 10 years, that doesn't make for good radio. But should he have been fired for this latest incident with the Rutgers basketball team? American culture dictates that I'm not allowed to say what I think so I'll let Jason Whitlock, formerly of ESPN now of the Kansas City Star, tell you what I think.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

An Open Letter to the training staff of the New York Yankees.

Dear training staff of the New York Yankees,

Make the players stretch their hamstrings before the game for Christ's sake. Dammit.



Tuesday, April 10, 2007

A Disturbing Sight

I’ve spent a significant amount of time in several major cities. I also went to college. Those two experiences combined mean that I have seen many people urinate in many strange places. People get drunk and sometimes they just can’t make it to a restroom. Generally they will duck into an alley or behind a dumpster or bush. Or a bank vestibule on F St. if you’re Mike. Sometimes you’re really drunk and you just go underneath a table at Seacrets like Brian, but in his defense the floor is all sand, so that just gets absorbed. I have even relieved myself in some unusual areas, like the lobby of my schools architecture building. Once in New Orleans someone attempted to rob me at knifepoint while pissing behind a mailbox maybe 100 ft away from a cop (the robbery was unsuccessful, perhaps he saw I was trying to use the bathroom and his sense of decorum got the better of him, also he was like 13 so I just laughed at him and told him to go away). In fact, while in Philadelphia, I try and make a point to pee outside. The whole city smells like urine anyways so I assume that is encouraged. In all these scenarios there is a common factor controlling ones actions: alcohol. When you drink a lot of fluids they need to be expelled. When those fluids contain alcohol you tend not to care where you expel them. Knowing this I found it very strange when, while walking back to work from my lunch break, I saw a man peeing in a bed of grass along the sidewalk in plain view of the hundreds of business men and women walking down said street. He was sort of standing next to a tree, but made absolutely no attempt to hide himself behind that tree. I know what you’re thinking, he’s was probably a homeless man right? No he wasn’t. At least if he was he was very well dressed homeless man, which I’m sure is possible. It just begs the question, how bad do you have to go that you will just whip it out on the sidewalk for the entire world to see and think absolutely nothing of it? There are plenty of buildings he could have gone to for access to a public bathroom. There was a mall across the street. If you didn’t want to go in some building there are any number of alleys that would have provided plenty of privacy. So why do you have to piss on the sidewalk in downtown Baltimore so that I have to see this right after I just ate lunch?

Opening Day!!!

Hey everybody, it's Opening Day! Let's all put on our classiest gear and go out to the Yard and support the O's!

Friday, April 06, 2007

Next time Bonnie Tyler needs a hero I'll be there

About a week ago during a chase in Elkton a police officer lost control of his vehicle, flipped his car and crashed into a telephone pole. The car burst into flames with the cop still trapped inside. A person driving behind the officer saw this and took it upon himself to pull the man out of the burning car before any serious injury occurred. The police took a statement from the man but lost the paper work and were unable to identify him. Monday the identity of the hero was finally revealed. It wasn’t me. But he did have the exact same first and last name as me. How kickass is that. Way to represent us. I hope you don’t mind if I take some of the credit for your heroism. I like to think I would’ve done the same thing in that situation. The transitive property applies here, its basic math. You’re a hero, I have the same name as you; therefore, I’m a hero.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Am I the only one who finds this sign a little odd. One of these things might not belong. Is anyone walking down the street, trying to decide where to go to lunch, thinking, "where the hell can I get some good Lake Trout in this city?"

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

News and Notes

- I’d like to apologize person who Googled “NASCAR can’t be turned into a walk in the park” and was referred to my blog first. Obviously this was not what you were looking for. I not a big NASCAR fan (and by not a big fan I mean I think its boring and dumb) but if you like you can email me and I’d be happy to throw up a 1,000 word post on the state of NASCAR and someone’s conspiracy to make it easy. Or whatever.

- Baseball season is finally underway and I couldn’t be more pumped. The Yankees won in a sloppy come from behind win against the Devil Rays. Carl Pavano did nothing to make me hate him less and the defense was atrocious but at least ARod factored prominently in a comeback (and even got a curtain call), and the bullpen pitched really well (3 hits, no walks, 5 Ks in 4.2 IP). Those are encouraging signs. I think I’m just going to have to except the fact that I’m going to be watching a lot of four and a half hour games this year. This come to think of it is pretty standard for the Yankees over the years.

- Another Yankees not: Bernie Williams once again showed the class and dignity that made him the heart and soul of so many championship teams. I f’ing love that guy, and I got tickets to Bernie Williams day at the stadium I’d probably get pretty emotional. If you read the article check out the comments section and try and figure out which ones mean, I couldn’t not chime in and I couldn’t not be a dick about it. That’s how I roll.

- I don’t really know what I irony is but I think kicking the shit out of someone being the catalyst for getting you released from prison might be somewhat ironic.

- Of course only in jersey is this something that needs to be debated on.

- The Bush administration completely disregarded environmental regulations. Get right out of town.

- Does anyone have $150K I can borrow? I need this.

- This one is thrown in here specifically for Mike. If you know him you know he’ll likely be masturbating to this story this evening.

Monday, April 02, 2007

Top if the Mountain

Next time you find yourself on the Jumbotron chugging a beer for like a minute in a half the first thing you need to do after that is find a mirror so you can look yourself in the eye when you say "Yes. I've finally made it."