Tuesday, April 10, 2007

A Disturbing Sight

I’ve spent a significant amount of time in several major cities. I also went to college. Those two experiences combined mean that I have seen many people urinate in many strange places. People get drunk and sometimes they just can’t make it to a restroom. Generally they will duck into an alley or behind a dumpster or bush. Or a bank vestibule on F St. if you’re Mike. Sometimes you’re really drunk and you just go underneath a table at Seacrets like Brian, but in his defense the floor is all sand, so that just gets absorbed. I have even relieved myself in some unusual areas, like the lobby of my schools architecture building. Once in New Orleans someone attempted to rob me at knifepoint while pissing behind a mailbox maybe 100 ft away from a cop (the robbery was unsuccessful, perhaps he saw I was trying to use the bathroom and his sense of decorum got the better of him, also he was like 13 so I just laughed at him and told him to go away). In fact, while in Philadelphia, I try and make a point to pee outside. The whole city smells like urine anyways so I assume that is encouraged. In all these scenarios there is a common factor controlling ones actions: alcohol. When you drink a lot of fluids they need to be expelled. When those fluids contain alcohol you tend not to care where you expel them. Knowing this I found it very strange when, while walking back to work from my lunch break, I saw a man peeing in a bed of grass along the sidewalk in plain view of the hundreds of business men and women walking down said street. He was sort of standing next to a tree, but made absolutely no attempt to hide himself behind that tree. I know what you’re thinking, he’s was probably a homeless man right? No he wasn’t. At least if he was he was very well dressed homeless man, which I’m sure is possible. It just begs the question, how bad do you have to go that you will just whip it out on the sidewalk for the entire world to see and think absolutely nothing of it? There are plenty of buildings he could have gone to for access to a public bathroom. There was a mall across the street. If you didn’t want to go in some building there are any number of alleys that would have provided plenty of privacy. So why do you have to piss on the sidewalk in downtown Baltimore so that I have to see this right after I just ate lunch?

14 comments:

JW said...

at least he wasn't taking a deuce

Carrie M said...

Eww. There's a homeless guy in Dupont Circle that does that all the time, hence why I don't ever sit on the grass anymore.

Mike said...

Best random piss depository had to be when DS let loose in his desk drawer.

Anyway, the only reasonable explanation that I could come up with is that he has serious bladder issues that cause him to choose between pissing his pants or on the street. I don't know anyone with bladder issues so extreme that they had to go instantaneously, but if that is the case I say he made the right decision.

Los said...

There are some parts of Philly that don't smell like urine ... much worse, actually.

pat said...

this story is funny for many reasons...first i remember when you pissed on the architecture building...awesome...you forgot about the time you pissed off the 5 freeway overpass in san diego...you also forgot that i was the one getting "mugged" by 13 year olds while i was watching your back for cops...good story though
anyways...there is this old guy who i pass everyday on my way to work, well i started noticing one day that he always stopped outside this law office on the corner of my block. i thought to myself...why does he do this? so i waited one day to spy on him...well it turns out he pisses on the law office every morning...unzips his suit and lets it rip...so i was telling this woman at work...and she has seen the same thing every day also....i cant wait until i become confident enough to piss on buildings in broad daylight

Brian said...

the worst part of when i went at seacrets was mike martin was sitting across from me wearing my shoes, and i hit his leg on accident. aka i number oned all over my own shoes. but i never wore them again.

Brian D. said...
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Mike said...
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Eric said...

JW - I love your positive mental outlook. You always look on the bright side of things.

Carrie - Combine that with all the people who don't pick up there dogs poo and you've got a pretty bad place for sitting.

Mike - Doug's was money.

Los - Unfortunately I haven't been able to visit those parts of your fine city. Someday though.

Pat - I did forget peeing off the 5. It hit a few cars passing underneath. That might have been my best one ever. I didn't forget that it was you getting mugged though. I was just using artistic license because no one that reads this knows you. Plus I was the one peeing and you were standing right next to me so I was pretty much being mugged also.

Brian - I would've continued wearing the shoes. A little urine just adds character and comfort.

Brian D. - It was actually in the Suntrust across from Irish Times. Which means he actually had to swipe his ATM to get in the vestibule for the sole purposes of peeing. Good Times.

Mike said...
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Eric said...

Oh well than that makes it ok.

Anthony said...

I think I was there for the peeing in the bank. That is a bad place for a place that you can actually get inside. I think that there was a fight once in the too. I am surprised that the footage did not show up on some Spike TV show.

Brian said...

i peed in bentleys once, while sitting at a table facing the front window waving to people on route 1.

Eric said...

sadf