Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Talk about a space cadet

Growing up I always wanted to be an astronaut. And I don’t mean that’s what I told people I wanted to be when I was like 6. I mean in high school and college I thought seriously that I would like to be an astronaut. I majored in mechanical engineering; I even sent a resume to NASA when I graduated. Not that I had a chance in hell of getting that job but whatever. Eventually I realized that I was smart enough to be the kind of astronaut whose role is to perform experiments. That only left being a shuttle pilot, which more than likely would involve me being a military pilot first, and if you know me you know I’m not exactly cut out for that, kind of a pussy. Not to mention I’m nearly blind. So basically being an astronaut was out. And now look what I’m missing out on.

When I decided that I like the thought of being an astronaut it was because I completely romanticized the idea of space. Exploring the unexplored parts of our universe. Basically I had seen too many Tom Hanks movies. I never even imagined all the other perks; like crazy astronaut love triangles. This story is awesome. Lack of gravity must have knocked a few screws loose with this woman. Driving 900 miles to confront someone is crazy enough. Wearing a disguise to confront that person makes it even crazier. Wearing a diaper so that you can make the drive faster and you’ve officially lost your grip on sanity.

I love that she wore a wig and trench coat, followed her in the background onto the airport shuttle, then to her car. Then she pretended to cry to trick the woman into rolling her window down so she could attempt to debilitate her by spraying pepper spray in the crack. Do the CIA and NASA share a training facility? Because that is some hardcore shit. And then she’s carrying around Jack Baeur’s man purse. Her bag contained “the wig and BB gun. Police also found a steel mallet, a 4-inch folding knife, rubber tubing, $600 and garbage bags.” She was totally going to go CTU on her to extract information, by torture, on her relationship with this dude she all about. This is like fatal attraction 101. It’s also the reason I’m reconsidering giving up on become an astronaut. This is the kind of scandal and intrigue I need more in my life.

1 comment:

Mike said...

And I thought some of the girls I know are crazy. I enjoyed that everything was super hardcore except for the BB gun. If the steel mallet, knife, tubing and garbage bags all fail your plan E had better not be a BB gun.