Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Dear Bike Messengers

I get the practicality of bike messenger style. If I had to worry about getting caught in the chain of a bike and flipping over the handle bars, causing both bodily harm and total embarrassment, I would definitely wear man capris everyday. Wind burn is a serious issue when riding around the city all day so of course your caveman beard makes perfect sense. The bags are named after you after all so why wouldn’t you carry one and the fingerless gloves allow you protection from the cold while still making it possible to leaf through the very important lawyery documents in said bag to ensure an accurate delivery. Most people would find your fashion choices a little odd but I know that you are just about doing your job to the best of your abilities and I applaud you for that. I do have one question though, what’s with the smell? Is showering regularly something that is frowned up in the handbook? Do you lose credibility amongst your peers if you use deodorant? Don’t even try and use the “I ride a bike all day” excuse because I’m not buying it. That might be plausible in June but its 20 degrees outside, if you’re working up a sweat you might want see a doctor because you have some sort or glandular issue. Why is it that when the elevator I’m riding stops I can tell, just from that faint waft of BO penetrating the crack in the door, that I’m going to have to hold my breath for the next 15 floors?

6 comments:

Rachel said...

Man...this reminds me of a former co-worker that we called Stinky.
I swear she never used deoderant.
I bet she figured that the stifling smell of stale cigarettes would cover up any b.o. but unfortunately we were just blessed with a mixture of both smells.

Los said...

That reminds me of that one Kevin Bacon movie where he was a bike messenger ... however, they never really went into the odor factor in the movie, which, in my opinion, took away from the believability of the flick.

David said...

We had a guy come into the restaurant just today who reeked so bad that no one else could sit within 25 feet of him. He had the whole smoking section to himself. The busser couldn't go in there to clean other tables because she gagged so bad she nearly threw up. We sprayed Febreze as inconspicuosly as possible, but it didn't help much. I personally would have asked him to leave after the first hour or two, but I was in the kitchen and the G.M. was on the floor, so his dumbass was left to not deal with it. That's another issue, though......

Mike said...

For some reason some people stink immediately after any physical activity. My boss doubles as a competitive marathon runner and when he gets back from his afternoon run he smells, and the fact that it's winter doesn't seem to make it any better.

word verification: eatza (for some reason it reminded me of Little Caesars)

amanda said...

I would argue that a person who has come in from any sort of physical exertion in the winter time smells far worse than someone who ran a marathon when its 90 degrees. It's something about that "winter" smell. In fact, I just got back from a run and can't stand the smell of myself.

Steph said...

I'm considering buying some roll on deodorant in bulk, and handing it out to stinky fuckers that i come across each day.
I'll send you some for the bikers.