Life Lessons

I am wise beyond my years. When you grow up in the hard scrabble suburban streets of Virginia Beach, come of age at a private Catholic college in DC, then spend most of your twenties in some of the whitest neighborhoods in Baltimore you see a lot, you're forced to grow up fast. I feel like it would be selfish to keep everything I've learned to myself. So from time to time I think I'll impart some of this wisdom onto to you, the reader, through the magic of storytelling. You're welcome.

On Saturday I woke up fairly early feeling a little better than usual. I've been trying out a new strategy the last few weeks called "Not Drinking a Million Beers on Friday Night and Ruining the Entire Weekend With a Hangover." It's been going well. So feeling rather sprightly, and Saturday being a beautiful springlike day I decided to really attack the day, make things happen. I always think a day is most properly attacked when started off with a workout, because even if you get super lazy afterwards and all you do is watch college basketball and eat Chic-Fil-A (the most likely scenario) at least you burned some calories beforehand. I threw on my running shoes and went out for a jog. About a mile and half in I wasn't feeling great (I mean, I might not have been hungover but I was still out late and all), my legs were a little heavy and I wasn't picking my feet up very high. Shortly after that thought a girl rode by me on a bike. Since I'm a guy it's impossible for me not to check out a girl in my vicinity, I glanced. A few steps later my low striding feet caught a small lip in the sidewalk and I ate it. Hard. In the street. As if that isn't embarrassing enough it happened directly across the street from a Starbucks on the first nice day of the year. There were at least 20 people sitting at cafe tables outside drinking pretentious coffee drinks who got to witness my act of unathleticism. As I walked back to my house, bleeding from at least 6 parts of my body, I couldn't help but think there was a life lesson in this somewhere.

Life Lesson #44: Don't bother exercising of trying hard; it's not worth the embarrassment.