Thursday, March 29, 2007

I'm back?

I know I said over a week ago that the computer issues at work had been solved but apparently I was wrong. My work hell has continued throughout this week. It appears as though the IT guy is completely useless and incompetent so my computer continues to be ravaged by disease. That is of course until I remembered yesterday that I am both brilliant and awesome. The virus on my computer is apparently a super virus. It’s like the AIDs of Trojan viruses and I can’t get rid of it. Every time I think I have it pinned down it pops up somewhere else. I don’t know nearly enough about computers to express this properly but basically its not doing any sort of damage, all it does it use up a ton of memory and server space (or something like that) which makes it impossible for me to do things like open Outlook to check work email, print to any networked printers, or use the internet. But here is where my brilliant awesomeness comes in to play, all I had to do was go into the Windows task manager, find the virus working on the list of processes, and end the process. It’s so simple, why I didn’t think of that two weeks ago is a mystery. Maybe I was in a haze from Vegas. We’ll go with that.

I know what you’re thinking. Eric why didn’t you just use your home computer to put up a post from time to time? Through these trying to times I’ve come to realize that I’m perhaps more of a slave to habit than I thought. Which means blogging is for work not home. I thought about doing it from home, but I could never muster up the energy to actually do it. I’m not sure why, it just is what it is. So anyway, I hope this jury rigged system holds up for a while, and if so I can get back to regular blogging. If anyone even still reads this that is, I mean I know I would give after a week of no posting.

Friday, March 23, 2007


Today is National Mustache Day. I hope everyone is enjoying there holiday weekend and living it up with all kinds of mustache related festivities. Remember people with mustaches don't drink and drive. For more mustache day related fun and pictures check out Brian's blog. Bonus points for anyone who can guess which one is me (Hint: I'm the one with the sweet mustache).

Thursday, March 22, 2007


I said I would do a recap of my trip to Las Vegas last weekend so here it goes: watched a lot of basketball, lost a lot of money gambling, spent a lot of money on booze, threw up several times. Just kidding. Although not really, that pretty much sums up the entire weekend, but I’ll go a little more in depth. Let’s break it down by day.


I guess I got a tad overzealous when booking my flight because I was scheduled to arrive several hours before everyone else. This would’ve left me in a bit of a dilemma considered the hotel was in Mike’s name and I wouldn’t be able to check in until he got there. So my plan was obviously to leave my bag at the front desk and gamble by myself until someone else turned up. This sounds like something that isn’t very fun, unless you’re me, in which case it’s awesome. But Southwest, sensing my dilemma, and being an ace at customer service, solved this problem for me. When I arrived at the gate my customary 15 to 20 minutes before the plane takes off I was in formed that I had been put on a different flight leaving in ten minutes. So I rush to the new gate to wait in the back on the C line so I can sit in the back of the plane, next to the bathroom, between two gross dudes. There I learn that I have an hour and a half layover in Albuquerque, NM. Kick ass! Since I would now only be arriving in Vegas a few minutes before Mike I can wait for him and check into the hotel before getting the party started. Finally I arrive in Vegas and sit down in a bar to enjoy some NIT action and a $7.50 airport Miller Lite. I probably should check the arrival board before settling in because Mike’s flight was delayed about 40 minutes. 30 something dollars in airport Miller Lites later Mike finally get there and we can go to the hotel. So to sum up, with the cab ride I was already down over $40 and two hours behind schedule before even officially arriving in Vegas. A bad omen? I think so.

The rest of the night was pretty standard, just a few hours of blackjack at the Mirage with Randy my Mr. Universesque dealer. I am only slightly exaggerating when I say he had at least 140” chest. Randy was enormous. And quite possibly the corniest man in the world. He was full of the dumbest jokes ever, and since I was at the table for a few hours, and everyone else was turning over at a pretty good rate, I got to hear his whole routine at least three times. Here my favorite that jokester Randy was slaying ‘em with over and over again:

Randy: Did you hear about that actress that killed herself? Reese, uh, Reese, ummm…
Unsuspecting Victim: Witherspoon?
Randy: No with a knife. (Rim shot)

Good one Rand.

I’ll leave Thursday - Sunday for tomorrow since I don’t feel like writing anymore. I’m sorry that you guys won’t be able to sleep tonight because of the anticipation of that one but I have to go back to pretending to do work for a while.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

A Great Day

Today is a truly glorious day. I’ve been living in an almost unimaginable nightmare for most of this week but a miracle has occurred to wake me up from it. This has been a truly harrowing experience but through perseverance and fortitude I’ve manage to come out of this crisis on top. That’s right friends; the internet on my office computer is finally working again. For three agonizing days I’ve been unable to read blogs, check fantasy sports or catch up on the news. I’ve actually had to put in 8 solid hours of work and it has been a painful experience. I’ve sat by idly and watched the IT guy unsuccessfully attempt to quell the virus ravaging my computer and wondered if I was going to have to start looking for a new job. Because as you all know I have the work ethic of an 18 year old cat. Without the internet the hours spent starring blankly at the wall may have caused me to go insane. But thankfully, through some unforeseen force (divine maybe?), my internet is once again aiding my procrastination and I couldn’t be happier.

Monday, March 19, 2007

Are my teeth really that big?

I came back from Vegas late yesterday. Being at work kind of sucks, mostly because you sort of need a vacation from vacations like Vegas. Hence I don't really have the energy yet to write about it. But we did meet a mall caricature artist at a bar and Pat got her to do a picture of us on a cocktail napkin. Apparantly I have gigantic front teeth and Pat sort of looks like the Grinch. Also notice that our vacation beards are in full effect. Enjoy:

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Cherry Coke and Gardening

-I was riding the elevator today on my way down to pick up a sandwich when we made a stop at the 9th floor. On came three people in full on gardening attire including work gloves and bandanas to hold keep hair out of their eyes, one woman was even wearing overalls, and they all had big watering cans. What the hell is going on down there on the 9th floor? Is there a botanical gardens I didn’t know about? It seems to me that you could just have a receptionist or someone take ten minutes out of their day to water the plants in the office. Is this really such a huge task that you have to contract out the work? And even if it is are three people really required to get it done in a reasonable amount of time? If so you might want to trim down on the jungle you’re growing down there 9th floor.

-Is there anything more awesome than getting a Cherry Coke out of the vending machine, getting pissed that a regular Coke came out instead, then accepting the fact you are going to have to drink the regular Coke, only to realize that it is in fact a Cherry Coke, they just changed the can to disguise it as a regular Coke? I say no.

-At this time tomorrow I will be on a plane flying to fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada to enjoy some March Madness related activities, thus this will be my last post until next week. But upon my return you can look forward to (or the opposite of that) me regaling with stories of drinking, gambling, and drinking while gambling. As the saying goes, “What happens in Vegas, goes in my blog.”

Monday, March 12, 2007

Not Exactly a Walk in the Park

I walk fast. I guess I have a particularly long gait which allows me to really eat up ground. Also I’m of the mentality that if I’m actually trying to get somewhere walking slowly is just killing time. It’s not like I can’t enjoy my surroundings from time to time and take in the sights. I love a leisurely stroll as much as the next guy but not during a workday, then I just want to be where I’m trying to go, so I don’t traipse around like a sloth that just woke up from a nap. Needless to say I hate slow walkers. Some people can’t help it, like old ladies and fat people, they can only propel their bodies but so fast so I don’t hold that against them. Also short people; they have tiny legs so while they make be working as hard as a taller person there Lilliputian steps hold them back. Actually I applaud the effort. But I really can’t stand a completely able bodied person who is to lazy to walk at a decent speed. Here are a few different types of slow walkers that I really hate:

-The business people who travel in packs. Hey assoles, do you really have to walk 6 wide making it impossible for me to pass you, thus forcing me walk half speed for 4 blocks? Try breaking it down into columns guys, it would be like Nascar, you could draft off of each other and maybe this would allow you to walk at a reasonable pace.

-Even worse than that are smokers who travel in packs. Now not only can I not pass you I get the benefit of you blowing smoke in my face the whole time. Awesome.

-I hate the weaver too. You know the people who, despite being completely sober are weaving back and forth like Tara Reid on a Friday night in Miami Beach. There not blocking the way like the slowing moving herds of businessmen but they still manage to impede my progress because every time I commit to a direction they starting drifting over that way. Seriously, get some control of your body and walk in a straight line.

- This last one is the one I hate the most. It only seems to happen in big cities and it drives me absolutely insane, and I think it might only happen to me. These are the people who come to a complete stop when they feel a person about to pass them. I’ve even had people stop and turn around and give me a dirty look like I did something wrong. I’m not a ninja, its not like I’m sneaking up on anyone, I’m just trying to walk down the street. What happen in your life that made you so paranoid that you think anyone who is walking slightly quicker than you is coming up to attack you? Did you consistently have you ass kicked when you younger and you developed this nervous habit? Oh God, there’s a skinny redhead in business attire rushing up from behind, I better turn around to fend of his attempts to stab me in the kidney and steal my wallet. You really have a negative outlook on life if you can’t walk down the street without thinking you’re about to get mugged, take a xanax and relax buddy.

Thursday, March 08, 2007


Yes. When I decided sophomore year to change my major from computer science to mechanical engineer it was in hopes of gaining the education to produce inovations like this. Clearly I lack vision.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Random things

-Bird Update: This morning I heard that bird again but the virile mating call that drove me insane a few days ago was replaced by a languid, feeble little song. What’s wrong bird, a little cold out for you? Maybe you’re regretting making the trip back north so prematurely? I told you that you would rue the day you woke me up so early. Current score: Bird 1, Winter (and as a result me) 1. And it’s snowing right now, I like my chances.

-Yesterday my cubicle neighbor received a phone call to confirm an upcoming dentist appointment. As a way to playful show her disdain for dentist she said, “All right I’ll I guess I’ll come and let you poke me in my mouth.” Later that day I was participating in a conference call/online seminar (or Webinar) on Girder Haunch Thickness. It was fascinating, and by fascinating I mean it was painfully boring and I was mainly trolling around the internet instead of listening. Although I was paying enough attention to hear the instructor say “creep and shrinkage are major issues here.” Both times there was no one around to here me say “that’s what she said.” What a tragedy.

-I joined a gym recently after a two year hiatus from working out. I was pretty excited to get back in shape, but I was even more excited about the blog potential. I thought it would be bursting with hilarious weightlifting mishaps and annoying meathead behavior to write about. I was wrong, it’s so weird, but I go in there and everyone is just minding there own business, working out. It might be the most respectful gym ever. I think I’m going to have to join a new one.

-This morning on my walk to work I saw a truck salting the roads. It was a three lane road with cars parked in the right and left lane. Not an ounce of salt dropped in the middle lane but he was absolutely pelting all the parked cars. Good job guys, keep up the great work.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

and I thought it was for real this time

I have to hand it to you March, you are a tricky one. You really like throwing us a curveballs. Every year I’m lulled into a false sense of security when you toss a few beautiful, spring like 65 degree days our way like you did this weekend. I start thinking about putting away my winter clothes and breaking out the flip flops. Then I wake up two days later and its 5 degrees with winds gusting at approximately 700 mph. Good one March. I couldn’t even listen to my iPod on my walk to work this morning because the wind was blowing the headphones out of my ears. Well that and I couldn’t feel my fingers enough to turn it on. This happens every year and yet I never see it coming. You win again March, you always do.

Friday, March 02, 2007

God I Hate Birds

All morning I’ve been trying to come up with words to describe the bird that absolutely ruined my day and I don’t think I possess the skill to accurately portray my rage. The bird started whistling at around five this morning and went nonstop until I got out of bed. Suffice it to say this wasn’t just regular bird singing. You know the kind that reminds you of springtime and makes you all happy and ready to attack a day. No this was a full on mating call. I mean this bird was really putting the vibe out there. Let me try and break it down for you as best I can. It started with three incredibly shrill, high pitched whistles, the kind that make you want to want to jam a q-tip in your eardrum, followed a few seconds of this really annoying warble. Now take those steps and repeat over and over and over again and you have the perfect recipe for sending me on a murderous rampage. That bird is really lucky this was a weekday and I could escape the incessant noise by going to work. This is a warning though bird, if I hear that noise again tomorrow morning you’re dead. I have no idea how I would possibly kill a bird but I do know that you will rue the day you decided to set up shop and be a total asshole in the tree behind my house.