Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Rogaine for one please

A couple of months ago I was a groomsman in a friends wedding. It was a great time. Yesterday the groom emailed everyone a bunch of pictures from the reception that confirmed that we were all having a great time. While perusing the photo album though I came to two startling realizations that have scarred me terribly:

1. I am awfully unphotogenic (not a word). First of all I have a horrible picture smile. I simply cannot fake a smile. For some reason I seemed to convey the exact opposite emotion, I just look mean. Second, I’m rarely actually looking at the camera. There are a few pictures where the entire wedding party is smiling happily while I’m looking off in the distance scowling at something. It looks like someone just punched my dog in the face off camera. Why do I look so pissed when I smile? I need to work on this problem.

2. I’m balding a rapid pace. It’s one thing to notice a few hairs on your pillow; it’s a whole different ballgame when the bright lights of a camera flash reveal large patches of scalp in a picture. This is awful. I feel like I’m being cut down in the prime of my life. I just turned 27 on Monday and I’ll be bald by 28 without some serious help. I’ll look like a freak show. Seriously, when have you ever seen a red headed bald guy? I’ve been racking my brain to come up with someone and I can’t. I think I might be the first, that’s not a feat I hoped to accomplish. I think it’s time to look into some treatment options, I’m very vain and this would be to big of a blow to the ego to recover from.


mike said...

I'm afraid I can't help you with your balding issue, but I do have some tips on picture taking. I also suffer from unphotogeneity (also not a word) due to an inability to fake a smile. The best solution is to find something to make you laugh or do something to make it look more like a candid shot than a pose. That technique got me through about 65% of those wedding pictures. Unfortunately, as a recovering unphotogenic it's a battle I have to fight everyday, and you know, sometimes there are going to be pictures where I am ushering the bride's stepmother out of the church and I look exactly like Peter Griffin from the Family Guy. It's a constant battle, but life must go on.

dave said...

ron howard is a bald red headed guy and he has done pretty well for himself.

startingtoday said...

Unphotogenic is not really a word, but can be accepted as one due to english language rules.

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

When you get your own place (and only then), practice smiling in the mirror.

As for baldness, embrace it, apply generous amounts of sunscreen to your head, but whatever you decide to do - keep it natural.

PS - I hope you don't think it's too weird that I comment all the time. I like your writing.

JW said...

I went to HS w/ a redheadded guy who was getting hair implants before his senior year......he started balding in 8th grade...not famous, but redheaded, and VERY bald

Eric said...

Mike - You be a coach on ANTM, that was fantastic advice

Dave - Good pull, members of my family did call me Opie as a child, so perhaps after I'm bald I can produce and direct Oscar winning movies

startingtoday - from now on I will be making up words in every post and using that same explanation as justification

Lunch Lady - I don't think it's weird, actually I love it, the more the merrier.

JW - I would never get implants thats a bit overboard, but I guess if I were a 12 year old bald kid I'd be singing a different tune.

Paige Jennifer said...

The trick to a good smile while being snapped by a camera? Think of something that makes you happy. Glaze over and recall that time you made the winning goal or nailed the girl you'd been eyeing since eleventh grade.

As for, I'm useless. Because it doesn't bother me.