Thursday, October 19, 2006

Fooooooood Fight

As discussed in my last post I sustained a wrist injury playing football Saturday afternoon but instead of seeking medical attention I decided instead to go out for the night since it was CUA’s homecoming. The whole night I was worried that I would end up in a fight, which would suck because I couldn’t throw a punch with my right hand and would therefore get my ass kicked (I would get my ass kicked anyways but this would’ve been an extra special beat down). This fear was totally irrational because I’m kind of pussy and have never been in a fight. Sure I’ve developed some beer muscles from time to time and gone all meathead on someone and started a shoving match but it’s never dissolved into fisticuffs. My friends don’t get in many fights either, with the exception of Val but he seemed to be under control this particular evening. I knew it was unlikely that anything would happen, but I still had that fear. Shocker, Werle started a fight. Here’s how things went down:

We managed to make it until last call without incident, I’ll attribute this to the celebratory atmosphere, no one gets in a fight when you’re having a great time. Upon leaving the bar for the night me and Werle walked over to Pizza Bolis for a slice because when you’re leaving Johnny K’s, the worst bar in America, you experience isn’t complete until you’ve eaten some disgusting, super dry pizza. Being a generous guy Werle buys a few slices for the group and we head back towards the bar to find everyone. Sobo, who was straggling, is a little upset that there wasn’t enough for him so he goes over to Bolis as we start towards the cars. Right before we round the corner Sobo comes running by Mike and me with some pizza and yells, “I just stole some kid’s pizza, let’s go.” Shortly thereafter comes the kid in question chasing him.

Apparently the line was pretty long and Sobo was feeling the pressure to get some pizza quickly so he didn’t make everyone wait. This guy had already gotten a couple slices but was still loitering in the store taunting everyone (I say store but it’s approximately 9 square feet, so once you get your pizza you get the hell out of the way). Sobo took offense to this and decided to take action. Apparently this conversation pushed him over the top:

Sobo: I think I can get that kid’s pizza.
Random Guy: You should definitely do that.
Sobo: I’m going for it.

Yoink. Slice snatched, Sobo runs.

The guy obviously didn’t get a good look at the culprit because he turned the corner, saw Werle eating the pizza he bought earlier, and got in his face. Werle has no idea what’s going on so a shouting match ensues (I had the unique perspective of being the only one who really knew what had happened so I was pretty excited to see how this played out). Then the kid made his first wrong move, knocking the slice of out Werle’s hand. I don’t think Werle really wanted to throw down but the guy is totally insistent on the fact that he took his slice so he won’t give it up, wrong move #2. Then Sobo comes back and goes mafia on him. He confesses to stealing the pizza with a really smartalecky smile on his face as if to say, I did it what do you plan on doing about it. At this point I should also mention that Sobo and Werle both about 6’-3”/6’-4” and not skinny and that the pizza guy is about 5’7”, not really fair odds but he was feisty.

So after Sobo’s confession Werle demands an apology from the gentleman for the assault on his character like he’s totally innocent because it was only his friend that took it, not him. He refuses to apologize and starts shoving people, wrong move #3, so Werle punched him in the face. Me and Marc had been in the background enjoying being sober enough to watch this total disaster of drunkenness but once a punch was thrown Marc stepped in to break things up and move everyone along before anything got out of hand.

In summation this poor kid had his slice of pizza stolen, was forced to apologize for have his pizza stolen, and then punched in the face for not apologizing. And he didn’t even have any friends around to get his back. I felt pretty bad for him actually, I probably would’ve broken things up much earlier but I really didn’t think Werle would hit him, my bad. My friends are idiots.

P.S. I really wanted to title this post “Boy, that escalated quickly…” because it is very apropos and Anchorman is awesome but the son of a bitch Bill Simmons used the same title for his column yesterday thus ruining everything.


Eric said...

I just read that and realized something; I don't think I ever written an entire post in the same tense, I should try and work on that.

Mike said...

Generally, I'm against aggression but it has resulted in two of the best homecoming stories of the last two years: Val vs. Andy and Werle vs. Pizza Midget. That story isn't as outrageous or funny without the punch.

JW said...

anytime the words, "yoink" "fisticuffs" and "feisty" can all make it into a post, I'm a happy girl

PS. I think I just cut my mouth by improvising in my office and using the foil top of my apple sauce as a spoon because of a lack of a spoon. damnit

Steph said...

Drunk guys and pizzs. I will never understand it.

Los said...

One time when we were drunk at PSU, we were walking to South Halls for a free concert. A pizza delivery van pulls up, and my friend Matt goes up to him and says that he ordered the pizza. The pizza delivery guy goes, "Are you Frank?" Matt replied, "Yeah, that's right." He gave him $5, and said keep the change (I think it came out to be $4.99). We ate the pizza, called Frank in his dorm and told him the pizza would be running late ... I wonder how long he waited.

Mike said...

I've seen some drunk gals run through pizza too.

hey JWT, my word verification is dvzzy in case you felt like trying to use it in a sentence.

That Guy said...

Just to verify....I have never been in a fight either (well real one...I have been in the occasional friendly wrestling match and bar room brawl). I don't go looking for it....last year the guy would not accept my apology for touching his girls arse (it was a mistake, i swear)so he decided to smash my head into the swerve wall....i was seated and in a bad position because he was standing... I only threw the bottle to get some space. It was an act of self defense. I was in imminent danger of grave bodily harm.

Also, was it really a punch that Werle threw, or a slap?

Eric said...

Wow you really shed some light on that whole debacle. I didn't know you touched his girlfriends ass, I just thought he was being a dick because you were in his way, that news changes everything. To answer your query, I'm not sure, it looked like a punch to me, Marini was closer though so maybe he knows for sure

That Guy said...

Still, the guy should have accepted my apology. I mean it was plausable....I said that I thought it was someone else