Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Cracker Barrel

I went to Cracker Barrel last weekend. Let me give you a review. It’s awesome. I grew up in the south, and while I wouldn’t exactly say I had a very southern upbringing when I go to a place like Cracker Barrel I like to get a pretend feeling of nostalgia for the simpler times when mom rang the dinner bell and the whole family sat down at the table for a southern style home cooked meal. In reality though my mom is Irish, we ate a slab of meat and potatoes most nights, and most of the time I ate it while watching TV or playing Nintendo. But it’s nice to pretend. Also Cracker Barrel is easily the most hilarious restaurant you’ll visit. There are never less than 1,500 people waiting to be seated at a Cracker Barrel. Which is ironic because they are always in the middle of nowhere. I’m fairly certain if you’re town eclipses the 2,000 citizens mark you’re automatically banned from having a Cracker Barrel. It’s mainly tour buses full of old people and church type groups. I love this because if you’ve ever been a waiter you know that these are some of the absolute worst costumers to deal with. If you’re a patient person who doesn’t mind slow service you can just sit back and enjoy the scene. If you pay close attention you’ll notice that the entire staff always seems to be muttering as the walk away from a table. There all about more request for extra biscuits away from shooting up the place. Anyway, you’d think that the perpetual 40 minute wait would discourage you from going there, but you’re wrong friend. Cracker Barrel has you covered. Take a load off in one of the rocking chairs on the front porch and play some checkers. If you have bat ears you might even be able to hear them call your name over the “loud” speaker. If checkers doesn’t suit your fancy you can have a look around the general store. There you can find an amazing selection of denim shirts. I personally took this opportunity to purchase about 30 lbs. of “old fashioned” candy for approximately 45 cents. It was quite a deal. As I type I’m enjoy some of my Gilliam Old Fashioned Wild Cherry Drops.

The food here is spectacular. Everything is fried. You can’t go wrong with frying something. If you cut out a hunk of my ass, slathered it in buttermilk, flour, and bread crumbs I’m pretty sure I would eat it and love it. Fortunately I didn’t have to do that because Cracker Barrel has a fine selection of fried animals. I went with the chicken fried chicken. Perhaps a redundant title but who cares, smothered in gravy it’s delicious. Can someone answer me a question? Why do we bother with fine dining when I can get chicken fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, green beans, apple sauce, cornbread, biscuits, and a lemonade for like $6? Anyone?

There was one thing that concerned me though. I think they might be taking the southern theme a little too far. The dining room was basically separated into three equal sections. We were seated the back third and couldn’t help but notice we were in the minority. Not only were all the black people seated in the same section in the back, but they were being waited on by the only black waitresses in the restaurant. Coincidence? I’ll let you decide.


mm said...

Good lord, I got to treat myself to the Cracker Barrel dining experience. Hilarious post. But seriously? Where the hell do all their customers come from? The bit about you frying a hunk of human ass had my mind in a jumble. Do I laugh? Do I throw up?

On another note, I think Cracker Barrel was in the news at one point. Something about racism.

mike said...

You eat your own ass? Sick.

I've never had a Cracker Barrel experience. I think it might be time.

suicide_blond said...

I ate there once!! and i saw Nina Totenberg at another table..
after she left..i couldnt find another person in the WHOLE place that had ever heard of Nina Totneberg..lol.. i guess they dont have NPR in the Cracker Barrel south..

Los said...

I LOVE Cracker Barrell - this is by far the best chain breakfast place around ... I do hate the crowds, but they have nice rocking chairs for you to sit in whilst waiting.

David said...

The racial profiling is no coincidence. I've been unfortunate enough to visit two other Cracker Barrels and experienced the same thing, though since I'm white, Jennifer is black, and the kids are both, the hostesses get a little confused and aren't sure where to put us, so we end up in a corner.

pat said...

Nina Totenberg?!?!?! i dont believe it! I drove next to hulk hogan once...true story

Eric said...

mm - I would probably laugh. Certainly no need to throw up, I have a great ass, it would probably be delicious.

mike - I didn't say I do eat it. I said I would, if it were deep fried.

suicide_blond - I'm going to be perfectly honest with you. I have no idea who Nina Totenberg is either. Of course my love of Cracker Barrel dictates that in some way.

Los - The breakfast is money, it's always a difficult choice for me whether to go with breakfast or lunch.

David - I was just joking about that whole racism thing. Who knew I may have actually uncovered something here. I'll get Dateline on the phone stat.

Pat - That might be the best story I've ever heard

The Mayor said...

I went to a seggregated Cracker Barrel in the states once (I'm from Toronto) and it was seriously the weirdest thing I have ever seen. People, Sawmill Gravy is supposed to unite, not divide!!
I wish we had Cracker Barrel in Canada. We have The Golden Griddle instead, which is like ghetto-Dennys.