Thursday, January 04, 2007

An Open Letter to Dayquil

Dear Dayquil,

I know that to most people you’ll never be Nyquil. Those are hard shoes to fill. Everyone will always think of you as the younger, kind of lame sibling. It’s like Nyquil went to medical school and became a successful surgeon and you still live in your parent’s basement. And your mom is always yelling at you to get a job but all you want to do is smoke weed and play Madden. That’s cool Dayquil; I like you for who you are. You always get the job done. It doesn’t matter what the symptom is, you always nail it. Stuffy head, sore throat, coughing, aching, fever, you’ve got it all covered and I love you for that. And frankly, I don’t like being drowsy. Don’t tell him I said this, but I like you better than Nyquil. There is one problem I have with you though Dayquil. You’ve really let yourself go. Is it really necessary for you to be so huge? You’re like a horse tranquilizer. Not that I know anything about horse tranquilizers, I’m just saying. Do I really need to have that brief moment of panic every time I take you that I going to die because I have an enormous orange pill lodged in my throat blocking my airway? That’s not the way I want to go out Dayquil. Plus I’m taking you because I have a sore throat, it already hurts to swallow and now I have to choke down this thing. You need to take a page out of the Advil playbook. Those suckers pack a punch and are no more than a quarter of your size. Look I’m not trying to be a dick here. I know your self esteem is very fragile; I just trying to help you better yourself, so I hope you take my advice.

Yours truly,



Eric said...

And let the race to make the first Eric swallowing and/or choking something down joke begin.

Ashburnite said...

I'm not going to touch the whole "swallowing/choking something down" joke- it's just too easy.

I like Dayquil, but I will always be loyal to Nyquil- aka "Green Death." Nothing beats the Nyquil coma, or the acid-trip dreams I get from it.

Mike said...

Damn, I made an Eric is gay joke on my blog before I read this. I'm not doing it twice.

Rachel said...

So, size really does matter? I know that women tell men that it doesn't, but it really does...

JW said...

Or you could just man up and take the liquid version, then you wouldn't have to worry about pill size.

Los said...

The liquid version is cool and all, but it still tastes like shit. At least Nyquil came up with the cherry version that masked the awful Nyquil taste for a little while (you can still taste it whilst burping, though).

Steph said...

We don't have that in Oz, but i really wish we did. There is nothing i like more than choking on a pill when I'm hungover.

Eric said...

Ash-To be perfectly honest with you I don't think I've ever even taken Nyquil (I actually rarely take any medicine, only if I'm really sick). I should check that out.

Mike-Come on guy. Like that's ever stopped you before.

Rachel-Girls were lying about that!!! You may have just ruined my self esteem.

JW- It's manlier to take the liquid version?

Los-The cherry version of everything is better I think. The thought of a Nyquil burp is pretty vile though.

Steph-I heard that about you.