Wednesday, August 09, 2006

China Can I Talk To You For a Second

A few years ago there was a problem in a few ponds in the Crofton, MD area with the snakefish. An alien species, native to China, had invaded and was killing all the fish. My friends and I were riveted, a fish that breathes air and walks on land. What kind of magical dragon fish have you released upon us? Seeing as the snakefish can walk on land there was worry that it would migrate to other bodies of water, eventually making its way to the rivers and Chesapeake Bay. Fear of the snakefishs' effect on our fragile local environment got so out of hand the decison was made to just go ahead and poison the entire lake where the fish were spotted, killing everything. This seem to have the desired effect, quelling our concerns that the snakefish would breed like rabbits and kill every fish on the eastern seaboard.

Now this is happening. Seriously? Mitten Crabs? That doesn't even seem like a real animal, but apparently it is. The fear no is that the mitten crab population will grow eating up all the oysters and other small shellfish like ceatures and leave nothing for the precious bluecrab.

What's up China? Did Maryland offend you? If so we're sorry. Is this some sort of weird Chinese terrorism, or are you just try to mess with people. Can you please stop releasing crazy, viruslike animals in our water. We'd appreciate that. I'm not sure you realize what would happen if Maryland didn't have anymore more blue crabs. The entire state would implode. For real. That's their entire identity. I'm not kidding. You've seen Wedding Crashers, crabcakes and football, that's what Maryland does.

19 comments:

JW said...

Maybe china is releasing those animals because they want better chinese foods for their restaurants, and they're tired of eating cats and dogs http://today.reuters.com/news/articlenews.aspx?type=oddlyEnoughNews&storyid=2006-06-19T131415Z_01_PEK331544_RTRUKOC_0_US-CHINA-CATS.xml&src=rss&rpc=22

Mike said...

Didn't snakehead get here cuz some guy brought it over as a gift with the intention of healing an ailing relative? That whole thing was bizarre. Anyway, I wonder how the crabs got here, and if they are as tasty as blue crabs then who cares?

JW said...

you would like hairy crabs

Mike said...

I'm not sure what that means, but I do find most seafood to be delicious.

Eric said...

I personally am more a fan of bearded clams not hairy crabs.

Brian said...

that is just because they remind you of man beards. and after your experiences with your straight haired firecrotch crabs its no wonder you hate crabs.

Eric said...

that doesn't even make sense, you just wanted to say fire crotch

JW said...

my dad cheated on my mom and gave her crabs

wow, i'm so freakin WT

Mike said...

ummmm... sorry?

Eric said...

Yeah, can you that kind of stuff for your own blog

JW said...

are you drunk eric? that didn't make ANY sense

Eric said...

clearly i forgot the word keep, but i wouldve expected someone of reasonible intelligence to figure that out and not point out every typo ever.

Mike said...

oh snap

Eric said...

yes i did

Steph said...

Their country is so overpopulated they invented this toxic walking fish to try and keep the population under control.

Or sumthin'. I have no idea.

Eric said...

Yep, that and killing all the baby girls. Oh China, you're so silly.

Mike said...

don't forget the communism and state-controlled everything, it's basically just like heaven

Anonymous said...

and bird-flu, I would say it's more like Candyland or Oz without the wizard. Just a magical wonderland of fun.

Mike said...

Didn't SARS start there too... That's it, I'm booking a ticket right this second. Who's coming with me?!