Just Because

Dave is complaining about the fact that I haven't posted anything today because he is bored at work. I tried telling him that I didn't really have anything good to write about. It was a relatively quiet weekend and I doubt anyone wants to read about my trip to Bed, Bath, and Beyond. He also called me a pussy for never writing about sports. So in order to entertain Dave and not be a pussy I'm going to give my opinion on all of today's top stories on ESPN.com without actually reading any of the stories. I think just reading the headlines should tell me all I need to know to allow me to form an opinion that I can share with you all.

Tomlin becomes Steelers' first black head coach

I think the Steelers have had three head coaches in team history, so duh, of course he's the first black head coach. Is this really such huge news that it's the top story on the website, I mean both superbowl teams are coached by black dudes. Also I don't think it would be a big story considering teams get fined if they don't interview minority candidates. I believe the goal of that is to give more opportunites, and create racial equality, so wouldn't you think that putting in the headline is counter productive to that goal. Everything being equal the headline should just read "Tomlin hired to replace Cowher."

Blake out; Nadal goes on

This one must be aimed at James Blake's mom, because I doubt anyone in America cares about tennis anymore unless it's a sportswriter writing another article admonishing us for not loving Roger Federer enough.

Hingis-Clijsters rematch

Rematch from when, 1999? If it doesn't involve Maria Sharapova I think I'll pass

Tyson pleads not guilty to drug, DUI charges

There is nothing that can be said about the trainwreck that is Mike Tyson that hasn't already been said. What I wonder is, how do you plead not guilty to DUI charges, isn't the evidence usually pretty overwhelming to even be charged with that? Are you going to use the "breathelizer was inaccurate" defense?

Yow to return to NC State after cancer treatment

It's always great when someone beats cancer, but who is this Yow and what exactly do they do at NC State?

Vick cleared; lab tests find no evidence of drugs

Maybe he got cleared this time but Ron Mexico definitely still smokes a lot of weed.

Cut to the Chase: Phils give Utley $85M extension

My first thought was, holy shit a general manager did something right. You have a young, rising superstar, who plays a position where offense production is scarce and you lock him up for a long time for a very reasonable $12 million a year. When bums like Gil Meche are getting $11 million a year this seems like a great deal. Then I found out that Utley is actually 28 years old, it stands to reason that he doesn't have that many great years ahead of him and he will be past his prime by the end of this contract. Maybe you should've made it a 4 year extension Phillies. This did remind me of the time Amanda mispronounced him name and called him Trace Ugly, which is still funny.

Joseph is ninth Bengal arrested in last nine months

You've got to be kidding me. You have the easiest life in the world. Sure you risk serious injury playing football, but your job is to play football. How hard is it to be greatful of the life you have and stop fucking up? Man that pisses me off.