I'm a failure

Long time readers of this blog may recall Operation: F U Matt and Jake, my quest to win a bet and prove my awesomeness by beating the odds and running a marathon in 3 hours and 30 minutes by the end of the year. Well apparently I’m not at all awesome. Strike that, I’m very awesome, I’m just lacking a little bit of awesomeness in this case. As if I needed any salt in the wounds of my failure I read this today. Katie Holmes ran a marathon I didn’t. Now that’s a kick in the junk. Although I guess a celebrity has a little more free time and resources to train but still, it’s Katie Holmes. Maybe athletic prowess is some Scientological virtue so Tom made her do it; I’m probably being too hard on myself.

It got me thinking though. I was a runner in high school, not a bad one at that. I’ve run long distances before, I’ve trained hard, and I’m used to the pain. So why is it that other seemingly nonathletic people can manage this feat of athleticism and I can’t? Clearly it’s a problem of motivation, which Matt correctly assumed in making the bet. It’s not that I can’t do it; it’s that I really can’t find a good enough reason to motivate myself to do it. People have all sorts of reasons to try and run a marathon. Some people use it as a way to get themselves in shape or lose weight. That one doesn’t work for me. I actually lose weight when I don’t work out. If I don’t work out regularly I look like the Olsen twins long lost brother. It’s not cool. So I gain weight from running. Others run just to prove something to themselves. Also not appealing to me. I’m pretty confident in my ability to jog 26 miles, not to cheapen the feat, it’s very difficult and something everyone should be proud of. I just think I can do it. What it comes down to is I’m highly competitive, and some sort of challenge is probably the only thing that would provide proper motivation. I thought a bet would work. I guess not. I think what it’s going to take is to actually have a person to race. Who wants in? Anyone? Crap, I’m never doing this.