My New Favorite Thing Ever

I dare you to watch this and not be in a good mood. It's impossible.



I told you. You're welcome.

TWSS Friday!

Oh hey. Remember me? I'm back from Christmas at home with the family. It was lovely. I'm also back to letting other people do the work of blogging for me. You know what that means, it's TWSS Friday!

Here's a forwarded email from a friends sister. I may or may not have met this person at their wedding but I don't recall. I drank a lot that weekend. Take it away Joanna:

No one around here seems to understand TWSS, so I play by myself in my head. It keeps me amused when some people are really boring.

While riding in a Excursion limo, Jared said "It's so huge in here.I could park my Saturn in here." So I thought, "That's what he said."

Jared was lying on the seat and slid when the driver hit the brakes. He said "I could come out shorter than Adrian." Well I thought,"That's what I said."

Jared remarked on his lacrosse style of play against cocky opponents,"I pounce on dicks." Obviously I thought, "That's what she said."

The last ones my favorite.

Role Models

Everyone should have a role model. Someone who positively influences your life. Someone who lives life you would like to live, someone you aspire to emulate. For a young girl that can often be there big sister. But when your big sister is a batshit crazy, whorish, train wreck you might want to pick someone else to model your life after. Oooh, looks like Jamie Lynn realized that fact a few weeks to late. Dagger.

Yes

Brazilian star Kaka named FIFA's player of year

Awesome.

A Few Thoughts on Football

Given the current state of my life right now (it sucks) I've develop a special ability to find the downside in everything. Seriously, I'm like the Michael Jordan of taking something that should make me happy and making it suck. Watch me apply this gift to the week in football.

• The Redskins beat the Giants 22-10 yesterday. A huge win over a division rival to keep their playoffs hopes alive. Awesome right? Wrong. Since their last Super Bowl win in 1991 I have learned to live with a perenially immensely talented team that will ultimately underachieve (the Redskins are much like myself in this regard actually). They can never just suck, they're always tantalizingly mediocre. The never live up to expectations, but they always play just well enough to keep fans interested, ultimately crushing them in the end. It will happen again. I just haven't figure out how. Will Adrian Peterson run for 400 yards on them next week or will it come down to the final game of the season against the Cowboys where they'll blow another second half lead? It's not a matter of if but when.

• Speaking of the Cowboys, it figures that the only time I will ever root for them to win they lose. To the Eagles no less. All I want is for the Cowboys to wrap up homefield advantage in the playoffs so they rest their starters in week 17 against the Skins. But, noooooooo, Tony Romo plays like crap, gets hurt, and we have to endure 40 shots of Jessica Simpson in the booth wearing a pink jersey. Could it get any worse. Although how awesome was it when Brian Westbrook was waltzing into the endzone for a touchdown but instead decided to down it at the one and run the clock out. How many fantasy football seasons did that ruin and in turn how many TVs did that ruin when Westbrook owners put their remote through the screen?

• Ooh, that sounded almost positive about the Westbrook thing, lets put a negative spin on that. My team was in the playoffs this week, playing against a team carrying Westbrook, and it did not help me at all. Because my team absolutely shit the bed. Of course I dominate all year and then in the second round of the playoffs I have Randy Moss playing in a blizzard. Although I think the fact that I was depending on 3 Detroit Lions might have been my downfall. It was inevitable.

• Ok it wasn't all negative yesterday. There was one thing I absolutely loved. Living in Baltimore I developed a solid hatred of the Ravens. Seeing them lose to the 0-13, now 1-13, Dolphins was probably the most enjoyable experience I've had in weeks. The Ravens have officially hit rock bottom. At least now I have some company down here. Crap, I can't even get any joy out of that.

I told you it was a gift.

Right Now It's About 50/50

In a little while I have to go into a training session that will last until the end of the day tomorrow. It's going to be rather soul crushing. If you hear from me sometime this weekend or Monday it means I somehow found the will to not call it a life and jump out the conference room window 25 stories to my death. If you haven't, be concerned, it's a possibility. If so someone call my parents for me? Thanks.

Metaphors For Life

I got a haircut on Monday. While cutting my hair the barber, who I had never visited before, asked me if I've considered anything for hair loss. It's really piling on these days. And by it I mean shit.

I can't remember if I've mentioned this before but I love this website. I probably have but I don't care. It makes me laugh and I'll take what I can get at this point.