A Few Thoughts on Football

Given the current state of my life right now (it sucks) I've develop a special ability to find the downside in everything. Seriously, I'm like the Michael Jordan of taking something that should make me happy and making it suck. Watch me apply this gift to the week in football.

• The Redskins beat the Giants 22-10 yesterday. A huge win over a division rival to keep their playoffs hopes alive. Awesome right? Wrong. Since their last Super Bowl win in 1991 I have learned to live with a perenially immensely talented team that will ultimately underachieve (the Redskins are much like myself in this regard actually). They can never just suck, they're always tantalizingly mediocre. The never live up to expectations, but they always play just well enough to keep fans interested, ultimately crushing them in the end. It will happen again. I just haven't figure out how. Will Adrian Peterson run for 400 yards on them next week or will it come down to the final game of the season against the Cowboys where they'll blow another second half lead? It's not a matter of if but when.

• Speaking of the Cowboys, it figures that the only time I will ever root for them to win they lose. To the Eagles no less. All I want is for the Cowboys to wrap up homefield advantage in the playoffs so they rest their starters in week 17 against the Skins. But, noooooooo, Tony Romo plays like crap, gets hurt, and we have to endure 40 shots of Jessica Simpson in the booth wearing a pink jersey. Could it get any worse. Although how awesome was it when Brian Westbrook was waltzing into the endzone for a touchdown but instead decided to down it at the one and run the clock out. How many fantasy football seasons did that ruin and in turn how many TVs did that ruin when Westbrook owners put their remote through the screen?

• Ooh, that sounded almost positive about the Westbrook thing, lets put a negative spin on that. My team was in the playoffs this week, playing against a team carrying Westbrook, and it did not help me at all. Because my team absolutely shit the bed. Of course I dominate all year and then in the second round of the playoffs I have Randy Moss playing in a blizzard. Although I think the fact that I was depending on 3 Detroit Lions might have been my downfall. It was inevitable.

• Ok it wasn't all negative yesterday. There was one thing I absolutely loved. Living in Baltimore I developed a solid hatred of the Ravens. Seeing them lose to the 0-13, now 1-13, Dolphins was probably the most enjoyable experience I've had in weeks. The Ravens have officially hit rock bottom. At least now I have some company down here. Crap, I can't even get any joy out of that.

I told you it was a gift.

I can't think of mine own ideas so I copy others

Here’s a long and boring account of me watching the Superbowl at a friends party:

5:26 – Aaron just arrived at the party.

5:27 – Aaron just got kicked out of the party. Matt apparently is pretty angry with him for lying about the circumstances of a bet he lost to Brent. I feel uncomfortable, and yet very intrigued about the direction this party is going already. Dave just sent me a text message (because everyone is scared to talk) saying “I can’t wait to read about this in your blog.”

5:34 – They just showed a cute video of the Manning brothers playing football in the backyard as children. Eli jacked up Peyton. More proof that Peyton Manning is a huge pussy.

5:38 – Dallas Clark warming up. I was making an observation, I meant to he is a small tight end. Instead I said he has a small, tight end. Awkward.

5:42 – Dan, Boomer, and Shannon are all picking the Colts. At least I think Shannon picked the Colts. He seems to be talking with his mouth full.

5:48 – Gloria Estefan and Cirque du Soliel? What in the hell is going on here? Are those referees humping giraffe? Performance art does not get me hyped for a football game. Where’s Hank Williams Jr. when you need him?

5:57 – The weirdest 9 minutes in Superbowl history just ended. Maybe scale back a little next year NFL. I know you’re world wide entity but you’re not infallible.

6:01 – I finally got rid of that piece of celery that’s been stuck in my teeth for the last hour! Now we’re ready for some football.

6:12 – Steve Tasker is the sideline reporter? I wish he still wore that awesome double helmet.

6:18 – Brief moment of silence for the tornado victims. Brent response to Lindsey admonishing him for still talking: “Where supposed to be quiet too, I thought it was just for the people there.”

6:19 – National Anthem. Official time: 1:31. For all of those who bet the under congratulations. And yes, you could bet the over/under on Billy Joel singing.

6:23 – The coin toss was heads. I win my first bet of the night. I like where this is going.

6:28 – Devin Hester returned the opening kick for a touchdown! I like where this is heading. Oh by the way Aaron was allowed to stay.

6:34 – The Colts just had 2 false starts then through an interception, which team is more nervous I wonder

6:56 – Bud Light comes through with the rock, paper, scissors commercial. They always bring it.

6:39 – I know it’s been beaten to death already but I really feel it’s a sad day for football when Rex Grossman is the starting quarterback in the Super Bowl.

6:42 – Don’t they have the Super Bowl in warm climates to avoid things like down pours effecting play?

6:48 – I’m know coach, but I think that if the Bears want to win this game they may want to start by actually covering Reggie Wayne.

6:50 – Bud Light you let me down with that auctioneer commercial. 1 for 2.

6:51 – Bears lose a fumble and the Colts lose another one right back to them. This is the Super Bowl right?

6:56 – A trailer for the movie Pride just aired, Dave say, “What is this, Stomp the Pool?”

7:00 – Bud Light is now 1 for 3 and losing to Sierra Mist. Is there really anyone who thinks Carlos Mencia is funny?

7:03 – Aaron Moorehead just dropped a pass, which is unfortunate because they zoomed in on his face, which is pretty scary. He’s Reche Caldwelllike.

7:05 – Another fumble.

7:11 – Tony Dungy just got wrecked on the sidelines by Mohamed and his facial expression still didn’t change.

7:12 – Hey there’s David Spade in a plastic poncho. Has he been huffing paint thinner?

7:22 – Manning looks so shaky anytime he gets the slightest amount of pressure. Once again, huge pussy.

7:26 – Is that a hint of Manning Face I detect on the bench. Bill Simmons just marked that in his notes.

7:30 - I’m starting to get tired of taking notes.

7:34 – That looked pretty easy. The Colts and Manning are starting to get it together. Meanwhile has said “botched snap” several times. Who doesn’t love that phrase?

7:45 – It’s the 2 minute warning and Peyton is eating up the Bears. Are there 2 bigger reality shows whores than Rob and Amber? Get a real job.

7:50 – Colts fumble. Aaaaaand the Bears give it right back.

7:53 – Did you guys that this is the first time a black head coach led a team to the Super Bowl and there are 2 of them? And it’s Black History Month?

7:56 – That is one of the most bizarre halves of football I ever seen. I can’t keep this up. Enjoy Prince!