Questioning

I got an email yesterday afternoon from J. Crew.com. The subject line read “Trend Tip: ballet flats with jeans.” Clearly my first thought should have been, “since when did I get emails from J. Crew.com?” Or maybe, “ok clearly I filled something out there and that’s why they’re sending me emails, but why would they be sending me women’s fashion tips?” What my real first thought was, “that sleeveless tuxedo top looks hideous and since when is ballet flats and jeans a trend, girls have been doing that for like 2 years, get with it J. Crew.” That is also the point that I began to question my sexuality. I needed to do something manly, stat. I threw on my iPod to see if maybe some rock music would do the trick. The first three songs that played were Wham, Dido, and Peter Cetera, and I remembered that I don’t really listen to rock music. You’re not helping anything iPod. Fortunately there was a basketball game I was pretty pumped to watch that night. That will fill my man quotient for the day, beer and basketball. But then I was conflicted because the UVA-UMD game was on at the same time as the premiere of American Idol and my Tivo hasn’t been working lately which creates a huge conundrum. The fact that a conflict between American Idol and my favorite college basketball team playing creates a conundrum only raised more questions. Luckily I have someone who proves that I do in fact enjoy the opposite sex, although she probably would have no qualms about telling everyone it’s just a front until I’m ready to finally come out. Dammit, I’m going to go get in a fight with a bum then go to a strip club and gamble on something.