Someone Up There Hates Me

I don’t have a car. I haven’t had one in several years. In many ways I find the situation preferable, really it’s just one less thing to worry about, and it saves me a lot of money. I’ve also, for the most part, never really had a problem getting where I need to go. A car isn’t really necessary in a city. In DC I always lived next to a metro stop. When I moved to Baltimore for work I moved to an apartment in Federal Hill less than a mile from work. I was within walking distance from anything I could possibly need. Recently I moved to Canton, meaning walking to work is no longer an option. Not a problem though, now I just ride my bike, it’s under a fifteen minute ride. Other than the dramatically increased chances of dying in tragic accident things aren’t much different than they were before. In fact I’m even getting a good workout on my way to and from work everyday and I look like I’m environmentally conscious even though that’s only by coincidence, so things are great. Until today of course.

There’s one factor I failed to account for in this whole riding a bike thing: rain. You see, I’m an umbrella person. When it’s raining and I have to walk to work I just stand under an umbrella (ella, ella, ella) and I’m reasonably dry the whole time. Riding a bike down a busy city street carrying an umbrella seems like a horrible idea to me (remember the whole tragic accident possibility) so I nixed that idea. But being an umbrella I am not in possession of a raincoat. Using both just seemed like overkill. Well this creates a dilemma for someone who has to get to work, in the rain, without a car.

I should mention at this point that I had my yearly performance evaluation on Monday. There was only really one thing negative my boss had to say. He doesn’t like my inconsistent schedule. You see I rarely come in at the same time everyday. Well that’s not entirely true, basically if I sleep at my house I’m in to work at 7, if I sleep at the gf’s house I’m in around 8:30. The boss doesn’t like this, he wants me to pick a time and stick to it. So despite having to ride my bike through a driving rain it would not really be a great idea to try and wait out the rain and be an hour or so and be late for work three days after I got the business for that very same thing.

Anyway, so I basically just have to go for it. I suck it up, throw on a jacket and head out. I was soaked within a block. The good news is though; once your clothes/body are completely saturated you hardly even notice anymore that it’s raining.

Another thing I should mention at this point. I normally carry a bag to work. It comes in pretty handy. Turns out Kenneth Cole doesn’t make good riding shoes so I have to wear an alternative until I get to work. Also I can throw in anything else I deem necessary for the day. Last night I left work without that bag. I have no idea why, I just left without even thinking about.

So I here I am, pedaling away with my thighs soaked and my hair dripping. It really wouldn’t have been a big deal if I was just wearing some sweat pants or something similar, carrying my work clothes in a bag so I could just change into dry clothes when I arrived. It turns out Banana Republic pants don’t really wick the water away like you would assume.

One more thing to point out. Sometimes I bring my lunch to work. It goes in spurts really; I’ll bring a lunch everyday for a week or two and then won’t bring it for another week or two. I haven’t brought a lunch in a couple weeks. Last night I went to the grocery for the express purpose of bringing my lunch this morning. I also don’t have a lunchbox. It’s kind of bobo, I just throw some crap in a plastic grocery bag. Which I then throw in my other bag. The bag I left at work last night.

So here I am, riding in the rain. Pants soaked, hair wet, trying to avoid cars spraying me with water, with a grocery bag draped on my wrist. As I’m riding I make a left turn. The grocery bag skims the bike tire. I think to myself, I better pull up some slack in this bag before it rips open. Too late, there goes lunch, in a puddle on Eliot St. Awesome.

I think God hates me. I really do. It’s not so much the rain. That happens, you get wet, you dry off, not a big deal. It’s the confluence of events that really sets it off. It’s like the rain is the kick in the nuts and the evaluation and the bag and the lunch are stomping on them when I’m down. It’s like the before storm of suck. And it’s a shitstorm.




Moral of the story: I’m buying a new car ASAP.